Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums, Stallion. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours. In addition, if you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.
> I want to be able to do anal for him, I am confused on it though.
Please read this article listed in the Index.
"Playing Ball" and How To Tips for Prostate Massage
This is also an excellent tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play.
> I started to feel sick and shake. I just don't know how to get passed that.
Far be it for any of us to try and change your position on this or another aspect of making love that you believe is degrading, or wrong, etc. What I will ask you to do is to accept that knowledge is empowering. The more information you have on a subject, pro and con, the more open minded you will be regarding a final decision on the matter.
If you happen to believe that anal play of any sort is a dirty or disgusting practice, consider that quite a number of people around the world engage in some form of play and find it extremely stimulating and fun. Even when a person likes this activity once in a while, s/he may not want to participate on any particular occasion for any number of safety or health reasons.
When the person on the receiving end has bathed and gone to the bathroom sometime prior to making love, there should be no reason for concern. If you or your husband do not want to use a bare finger, I recommend using Vinyl gloves available from most pharmacies.
**
It is important for your information to know
the anus (inside and out) is richly endowed with sensitive nerve endings. It has been said that
a person's skin is their largest sex organ and this part of the body is very very sensitive to being stimulated by touch. The nerves come "alive" and become very reactive when a person has become extremely aroused by other caresses. Stimulating the anus helps jump start an elusive orgasm in addition to just feeling fantastic.
For men, massaging the prostate gland when he is at the brink of an orgasm will greatly intensify his pleasure, and also help to trigger a troublesome orgasm, like the second or third in a string of multiples.
Because you have mixed feelings and some apprehension about the practice I recommend waiting until you are on the brink of an orgasm before engaging in one form or another of this. Why?
Because your inhibitions will be lowered.
Here is another article to help with your perspective on the matter:
Male / Female Sexual Behavior--
I am including the above article not because of the Gay/Lesbian question, only to illustrate that our kisses and caresses when making love and having sex are not gender specific.
> I let him use a toy, I was again shaking the whole time and felt so sick for a few days.
Have you thought about why you are experiencing these reactions? Is it only because you believe the anus is an outgoing portal and should never have any finger, dildo, toy, or medical instrument go the other way? If so, what is the logic? There is nothing wrong with your position on sex play; however, your reactions are way over the top and not proportionate. This is especially true when you consider medical exams. Men and women have physical exams every day everywhere in the world that often include rectal examinations.
You are playing a potentially life threatening version of Russian Roulette by not having a simple exam to determine if you have polyps, or worse, colon cancer, or other digestive or health related problem that could very easily be treated favorably early on. By ignoring or not thinking about these matters in hopes that they will go away is fool-hearty and irresponsible, if not for you, then your loved ones.
As for dildos and sex toys, there are plenty out there and sales are high. If they were somehow dangerous, against the laws of nature, found to be unpopular by the masses, then they would have disappeared from store shelves and display cases years ago, particularly during the decades prior to the sexual revolution of the 1960s.
It is great that you and your husband are talking about all of these likes, dislikes, and, ways to spice up your sex life. Keep it up.
** If you do make a final determination that penetration is not on your to-do list, then please at least consider the benefits of teasing the nerves on the outside of the anus (for both of you) at the appropriate time.
> I tried do anal myself and it hurt so bad that I just ended up getting mad. I just don't know what to do.
Please read the first article for information on the proper approach to take.
Lastly, I am concerned about your well being with regard to cutting and what I consider to be extreme emotional over reactions.
No means
stop. This should be sufficient for your husband or any man or woman. Standing firm would also prevent your extreme distress. There is no reason not to stand firm, particularly when the two of you can and do talk to each other; however, you should make your decisions based upon having a broad base of knowledge.
You may want to gain perspective on why you react the way you do by talking to a counselor.
I hope this is of help. After reading the articles, please do not hesitate to ask any additional questions.
-doc