OK. I was debating on a few scenarios about when its acceptable be upset and jealous or even to break up with a girl for her actions. I have had some of these happen in my relationships and some have happened to friends I have. This might seem a little strange but I am interested in getting some opinions and maybe this can help some other people who are unsure if their anger is called for or not.
Please respond with one of the following.
1.Acceptable behavior 2.Unacceptable behavior 3.Grounds for breaking up.
Please feel free to comment as to why you chose your answer too.
1. Talking to other men she just met. Perhaps some light flirting.
Acceptable. Every man and woman can have friends whether joint or individual that are of the same or opposite gender.
If you do not like her casually interacting with others or to have friends of the opposite gender, then you are either controlling or insecure.
2. Talking on the phone with ex-boyfriends who are now friends.
Acceptable within limits. See above; however, having said that, to what extent is she interacting with the Ex's? I'd say these conversations if casual need to be very open and of a general nature.
3. Going out with ex-boyfriend + other friends.
Acceptable within limits. The limit being only if he is included in a group of friends.
4. Going out alone with ex-boyfriend.
Unacceptable. See, above.
5. Going out with ex-boyfriend + other friends to drink and then ends up staying at ex-boyfriends house for a few hours.
Asked and answered. What about activities other than drinking?
6. Going out clubbing with her girlfriends who you know to be bad influences and sometimes cheat on their spouses.
Unacceptable, yet it is ultimately her decision, not yours. Does this behavior merit breaking up? Only time will tell.
7. Going out clubbing with her girlfriends and dancing with other men.
We do not go clubbing; rather enjoy dancesport--e.g. Ballroom dancing. As such there is no drinking, we go to a ballroom where dancing is the main purpose for being there, AND during the three hours of the dance, we have many 3 min. relationships with others. It is a social activity. So, it does depend upon what the underlying purpose for dancing in a club is.
Here's the key: insecurity and jealousy equal a lack of trust. Think about that.
8. Wearing a ring given to her by her ex-boyfriend.
Inappropriate. The ring should be kept in a jewelry box or safe deposit box.
9. Having pictures of her ex-boyfriend framed in her room.
As above, the pictures should be put away both out of respect for the new boyfriend, and, because that chapter of her life is closed.
10. Blatantly treating you badly for no reason except that she is on her period.
This is a judgment call. If it happens all the time or monthly, then perhaps she should seek counseling either with her doctor, first, a therapist, second. Is this behavior something she recognizes as inappropriate and can she manage her emotions, or not.
11. Writing passive-aggressive status updates on Facebook that are negatively directed at their boyfriend.
Immature and juvenile. If this behavior is directed at you, then you decide how much immaturity is tolerable and how much of a hit to your reputation is worth putting up with. This is inappropriate and probably not worth investing in the relationship.
12. Snooping through your boyfriends texts/emails.
Inappropriate. This is a trust matter and not unlike reading a diary.
13. Expecting the man to pay for everything every time you go out.
The answer to this is simple. What are the arrangements made ahead of time? Generally if the man invites the woman, he pays. If she invites him, she pays. If the two of you have a different agreement, then that is what is done.
14. Getting upset that your boyfriend spends time with his guy friends, playing sports, etc…
How much time?
This is a topic I have written about at length and in at least one article. Both parties need individual time, space, and, friends. Now, if a guy goes out and spends most of his free time working on his car, truck, BSing with his friends, fishing, etc., to the detriment of his wife and household responsibilities then this is a problem.
Relationships are managed. Disagreements are negotiated. Find a happy medium for the sporting activities, whether it is watching games on TV and/or participating. Who and what is his number one responsibility? If these activities interfere with with his obligations then he needs to set priorities and manage them better.
Well, I'm sure I forgot a few but I am interested to see the responses
