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Obviously there is indeed a lack of communication going on, so that's the first thing you'll need to work on and quite possibly the hardest. Once you two are *fully* aware of your wants and needs from each other it becomes much easier to ask for it, and to give it.
For two submissives, you don't have many options aside from both of you becoming switchy and swapping roles like you suggested (creative idea, that object-on-the-dresser bit!). Another option is to get someone to top you both. I know of several sub-couples that bring in a third from time to time, but these people are dedicated lifestylers and not your "mom and dad and two kids" that you have going on, so bringing in a third is probably right out. Adding someone else to the mix is at BEST an option for many many moons from now after you've solved your communication troubles. And even then...... Yeah, forget I mentioned it.
Nowhere is it written that the dominant MUST be the one to initiate sex. There is nothing dominant or submissive about jumping in your lover's lap and kissing all the best places, only so she can bend you over and spank you for interrupting her (or whatever...). As far as getting her to work you over with that strapon, try crawling up to her on all fours with you holding it in your mouth, and having the cutest most pathetic puppydog eyes you can muster. Throw in a wimper for good measure. "Be creative", that's really the best advice I can give (even though that last bit I said was as cliche as it gets in the BSDM world).
"Should I even show her this post?" Since you two are obviously open minded enough, that might not be such a bad idea. This would tie in to the whole communication thing nicely. Bonus points to you if you convince her to sign up and reply, we'd love to read it!
Counselors will pretty much only help to identify the problem(s) and they might be able to suggest ways to fix them. Keep that in mind. Like Brandye and EEK said, if you can find a competent one then it's probably worth a shot. I've never met a good one much less a competent one, so I can't really say for sure.
EEK, if you can, would you be kind enough to link me some info about submissives having issues with having sex for the pleasure of it? Preferably actual research and not some article, I'm genuinely interested in the topic. PM is fine.
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