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The problem is in HER SILENCE - there is something fundamental going on here and you are missing it.
Counseling, if you can find one smarter than both of you, will help get you two talking.
Yes, being submissive is liberating because "it isn't your fault or your responsibility" but it does indicate an issue with sex for pleasure in and of itself.
Stop gliding about on the surface and dig deeper - and stop letting her off the hook by being silent when you try to discuss these things.
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