[Granath]

My wife and I have been married for over 15 years. We love each other and we really don't have many problems. We're blessed with two great kids, a 10 year old and a new 8 week old. I work, she stays home and takes care of the family. I always say her job is more important than mine. I love this woman dearly and we have a great thing.

Except in the bedroom.

Now I know that only 8 weeks after birth, she's probably not yet ready to have sex. That's fine with me. But in truth our sex life has been pretty stagnant for years and I think I know why.

When we met, I was by far the more aggressive one. She's submissive by nature and I take the lead in most things. But I've discovered over the years that in the bedroom I like to be the submissive one. She's submissive too. So we end up kind of hoping the other instigates sex. Neither one of us do, so we're not very romantic at all. In truth, there have been times that we've gone a month without doing it. I'd prefer a couple of times a week and I think she would to. It's just neither of us takes the lead. I've tried talking with this about her, but she tends to grow quiet or change the subject.

So, question #1:

1. What are some ways that two submissives can begin to instigate sex and not sit around hoping that the other takes the lead?

For example, I thought of buying a small decorative item. If I instigate sex one night, then I can put it on her dresser to let her know it's "her turn" to start things going next. Once she instigates things, she can put it back on my dresser. I haven't tried it yet and was wondering if someone had some good advice beyond that idea.

Should I even show her this post?

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I found being submissive liberating in a way since I have to be strong and decisive in virtually every other area of my life. In fact, we've gone so far as to get her a strap-on because, well, I really enjoy it the two times I've managed to get her to use it. I wouldn't want anyone else, nor do I desire a guy or anything like that. I want her (and only her) and when I'm submissive, I get the vibe that she really wants me.

Question #2:

2. In line with the above issue, knowing that she's not all that comfortable being dominant, how can I get her to use the strap-on a bit more?

I'm not talking about even once a week. Once a month would be fine. Once every couple of months would be fine. I don't even mind taking turns being dominant and submissive. The last time she used it, I could tell she really got into it. But that was over a year ago. If I can get her to talk about it, she says she thinks it might hurt me or something. I don't think there are any religious hang-ups, since we have a number of toys we use on her occasionally.

Help? Advice?