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Originally Posted by lnt1103
But in order to present yourself that way, you have to believe it of yourself. Hence the recommendation to get help who can show you how to do that.
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But it's just bluster. I always feel...wrong...like I never feel justified...that it doesn't matter how I feelt that it's wrong...If I feel good about myself I'm being cocky, if I feel bad about myself I'm being pathetic...nothing's ever right! Everything in my head tells me I'm wrong...even when I'm right I'm wrong.
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Actually, what I'm trying to do is get you so pissed off at me, you stand up and decide to get better and prove me wrong for the sheer satisfaction of shoving it up my ass, then pulling it back out and making me eat it.
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I don't really get mad at other people...I get...petulent at best. Because...of the above. Being angry at other people is wrong, because I'm wrong...so I just accept what the other person says...and get angry at myself...since that seems to be the only reaction that's right.
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There comes a point where you have to not allow them to pull you back in. When people in your life are toxic to you, you have to care enough about yourself to stay away. If they love you, they get over it.
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My family doesn't get over anything. And if I left them it'd just be another wrong decision I made. I just get tired of it. I get tired of not being allowed to be me...every damned time I have free time...I get a damned call to do this or come here or go there....I'm so damned sick of it!! Not that it'd matter much...I'd just piss the time away like I normally do....