[dancingdoc2]

Orgasms--
The reasons for encouraging you to concentrate on making out and making love instead of having sex with orgasms are:

a. Making love is not done by the numbers. The process and the steps involved are dynamic and change moment to moment and session to session. We take our cues for what to do next from our partner's reactions.

b. It takes time to become in tune with each other, becoming relaxed in each other's company, comfortable being seen nude or partially so, and, letting go of inhibitions.

c. While guys can be up and ready in moments and achieve orgasms easily, not for for the gentler gender. A woman's "engine" needs a fair amount of priming and warming up, first. Having a Quickie is OK; however, great sessions require a minimum of half an hour of making out--more within reason and time permitting. **

d. Guys learn about orgasms straight out of puberty; not so with all girls. Many learn to masturbate later in life if at all. Boys are driven to have climaxes often, and without a lot of fanfare; for girls, learning to masturbate is a conscious and concerted effort. Since we do not give orgasms away, and because your girlfriend may not yet have learned how to achieve orgasms on her own, please understand that you can have a great time and she can greatly enjoy the intimacy without her climaxing one or more times.

e. **Please devote time to reading the articles discussing the how-to's and why fors of making out. For whatever reason nowadays, boys especially operate under the misguided misconception that spending time fooling around is old hat and mostly unnecessary. Nothing could be further from the truth. A good lengthy makeout session is necessary for a woman and very beneficial for a guy. Learn how. Learn well.

f. Here is something to think about. Males and females of the species all masturbate in generally the same basic way for their gender, yet we all have developed unique differences in how we each go about it. If we vary the routine sufficiently, either an orgasm will not happen or if it does, it will not be as expected. Now, couple this without knowing how your girlfriend stimulates herself and there is a fair chance that she will not be able to climax from your caresses.

g. The solution is to learn how she does it and this requires that she show you and guide you by taking your hand and moving it the way she does until you learn to mimic her unique technique. The same goes for you with her. (If your girlfriend has not yet learned how to masturbate and achieve climaxes regularly and consistently, encourage her to learn. She should read the articles devoted to this.)

h. The importance of reading the many articles in the Index and Home page are for you and others to understand and learn about the nuances involved with all this.

i. Communication is critically important. When we masturbate we benefit from a built-in feedback loop between the sensitive nerves in the skin and our brain. This internal feedback lets us make tiny midcourse corrections to what we are doing moment to moment in order to stay on track and build our arousal and excitement. This feedback is non existent when we turn the reins over to our partner. So, what are we to do? COMMUNICATE. There is an article devoted to verbal and non-verbal communication. Knowing about this is a must for your continuing education--your empowerment.

> I'm planning to go soft on her as I don't wish to damage her hymen

You may discover that although she is a virgin she may not have an intact hymen. Among western societies, we take a woman's word that she has never experienced intercourse; not so in some eastern cultures. It is not unusual or uncommon for a girl's hymen to rupture as a result of strenuous exercise, using Tampons, fingering and exploration.

Often by the time a girl reaches her mid--late teens her hyman may have already torn or eroded away, be it partially or completely. This said, the measure of whether a girl is a virgin is whether she has had a penis inside of her and for this we take her at her word.

> Please explain what the consequences of her orgasm may be

* That she will no doubt connect with you, or, reaffirm and reestablish an existing bond.

* That like with you, all stress and tension will go away for a while.

* It will be extremely pleasurable and enjoyable--if:

The important "if" is in learning how to go about stimulating her both emotionally and physically and in this order.

The important "if" is in knowing about and understanding the differences between the male and female psychology and physiology and about arousing each other. What you are used to doing and the technique that works for you is not what works for her, especially when you consider that your penis is a much larger version of her clitoris and that all those sensitive nerve endings in the head of your penis are compacted into a space about the size of a pencil eraser in the tip of her clitoris!

I urge you not to focus on orgasms during your early love making sessions.

1. Work first at establishing an emotional bond.

2. Work second at establishing a partnership in which you explore and learn together.

3. All this is serious business, although, you must not take it so seriously that the two of you cannot have fun. Mistakes happen. Learning how to pleasure and meet each other's needs takes time and effort. Please do not exect that the how-to's of making love are as simple as 1, 2, 3; do this and that will happen. Expect that there is going to be a learning curve as the two of you become comfortable with each other and learn how to pleasure each other.

Lastly: Do not be so self critical that you cannot have fun along the way and perhaps squelch one another's enthusiasm and enjoyment in just being together in each other's arms. Please read the article on "experience".

Now, go have a good time and be safe. Got questions?