I'm going to say this one more time, he does not want help. He does not care about getting his problems solved. All he makes is excuses!
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Originally Posted by keratin
My problems are so bad that I don't let people help me...I seal myself off; because other people are dangerous...and I'm not the safest person in the world either...considering all the stuff I don't say when I'm angry and the like...and all the stuff I spontaneously think about.
I don't hang around with people. I don't even deal with my family that often. I simply don't engage with people...and when I do it's on a very superficially fake level that's necessary to move around in the world; but never on an intimate level. I've never felt secure enough to be that open with people. I wouldn't even know how to...I'd end up just being superficial and going through the motions...so I could get to the point where I could get away. I've tried flirting with people but I don't think I have the knack...I'm too obtuse or too overt...and I end up scaring or confusing the other person...and like I said, my social reference point is far older than my own age...so my ability to relate with people my own age is...limited. That and despite certain physiological urges...I don't feel excited or desirous of engaging people; I don't see or recognize the benefits. That and I fear that I myself would be too caustic a person to be in a healthy relationship...I'm afraid that I would be abusive...in some way and I don't want to be...so the best way not to be abusive is to avoid abusive situations (at least that's how I see it). I just see myself as a screw up. It isn't that I'm not proficient...it's just that I never do anything with it...I could do so much and I don't...I just stare at the application forms and nitpick the wording and convince myself that I'd never be able to get the job, or the school slot.
If I get the job or the slot that I feel like I'm constantly screwing up (even when I'm doing a marvelous job) that it's only a matter of time before people realize how much of a screw up I am; and I'll get fired or kicked out. Which ends up leaving constantly anxious about everything; and being even more anxious when I'm succeeding than when I'm failing....I don't get that high of achievement from doing a job well; I just feel like someone is going to find out that I really suck and expose it to everyone....when I do a job. So doing well in school or work doesn't help...it almost always makes things worse for me.
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There are caring people in this world who would help you. In matter of fact you are now speaking to some on this forum! Avoiding people will never help anyone. You say you want help, but you avoid it!
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Originally Posted by keratin
I've rather accepted that I'm just one of those people that never...live the common life.
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This comment is interesting. He clearly said he had help before.
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Originally Posted by keratin
I've gone to therapy before...and we've done the 'do something that makes you feel good about yourself...do something you feel proud of'...I do it and then I never feel proud of it...even if it's perfect...it's not good enough...or it could be better...or someone else did a better job....I don't do pride...
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