Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten
If you were ignored - totally ignored as if you were merely a fiction, an invisible man - you would RELISH even rejection - because it would mean that other people had noticed your existence if just for that moment.
Imagine what it is like not being seen. No holidays, no birthdays, no friends, no colleagues, not even a pallbearer - just a sticker on the forehead of your dumped corpse in the gutter awaiting pick-up by the garbagemen. There are those who have to live like that for one reason or another.
But you seem bent on choosing that deliberately.
You've built walls to protect yourself from rejection but in doing so - you have also made yourself invisible.
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It's better that way though...isn't it? I mean...I'm not hurting anyone at least.
I don't have friends...per se. I really don't like holidays...it's always such a fuss and people just start to argue...birthdays are embarrassing. I've never approved of funerals...plus if there wasn't anyone around that would remember and care...it would make things much easier.
At least when people don't care...or don't notice you; you can imagine that maybe they would accept you...but once you find out that they don't...it rather ruins the illusion. I don't think I could ever relish people saying...they don't really like me; that they tolerate me because at times I'm baseline useful; because I don't bother them more or less...but if they had a choice they'd rather me not be around more often than not.