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If you were ignored - totally ignored as if you were merely a fiction, an invisible man - you would RELISH even rejection - because it would mean that other people had noticed your existence if just for that moment.
Imagine what it is like not being seen. No holidays, no birthdays, no friends, no colleagues, not even a pallbearer - just a sticker on the forehead of your dumped corpse in the gutter awaiting pick-up by the garbagemen. There are those who have to live like that for one reason or another.
But you seem bent on choosing that deliberately.
You've built walls to protect yourself from rejection but in doing so - you have also made yourself invisible.
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