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I understand perfectly where oxfordfox is comming from. I also give her Kudos for attempting to meet her partners desires. My own feelings are pretty similar. However, my partner of 20+yrs hasn't been demanding, disrespectful and selfish. I have come to enjoy pleasing him orally, to a point, during foreplay as well as other times when I can't participate in intercourse but it never goes into my mouth or anywhere on my body. It's a so-so alternative when we want to be intimate. If I HAD to perform acts and to the degree that was outside of my boundaries it would be a problem. Luckily for me, my partner is ok with it.
Now, this may be a deal breaker for oxfordfox's partner. This may be something that he enjoys and wants in his long term, intimate relationship. Everyone has a right to enjoy their sexual side and establish the rules of play that each finds to most pleasureable and satifying. If that's the case then oxfordfox has a big discision to make.
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