Originally Posted by youaintmyfriendpalooka
Hey everyone,
I seem to be in a bit of a dilemma when it comes to my partner. Lately, we've been on rocky ground when it comes to her ex. In fact, it has been a sensitive subject since day one.
This is a red flag to me that you have insecurity issues with the situation.
They broke up about 6 months before I met her, but they were having sex after they 'broke up'. The last time they did it was about a week before we both started dating.
So? It was before you were together. What she did during that time is HER business.
I've been with her for about two years. The thing is they both promised they would remain friends after they broke up
That's their choice. Again, it was before you were together.
(I don't think having frequent sex with each other is being friends),
Who are you to judge? It is the responsibility of any person who holds your position in her life to NOT judge her, but to understand and love her unconditionally.
and everythime she goes back to her home town, she has to see him because she says he is a friend. Now I do trust her,
You do, huh? What conversation are we having again?
because I know that she hates cheating (two of her previous boyfriends have done it to her and she knows how much it hurt her that she couldn't do it herself).
'Nuff said. Trust her and relax.
I have tried numerous times to tell her that I don't want him around (although she doesn't see him often, but she does speak to him every few weeks), and she gets all defensive saying that she feels nothing for him. If she feels nothing for him, then why do they have to see each other?
Have you ever held a permanent residence away from 'home' and gone back home for a visit? Ever heard the concept of 'making the rounds'?
She claims that I'm trying to make her get rid of a friend, but i don't see him as a friend.
SHE does. And that's precisely what you're doing.
Although there are a couple of her friends I don't like, I do not tell her to stop seeing them.
Which proves this is about your insecurities about the ex.
She wasn't exactly comfortable with me still being a friend with one of my ex's (the respective ex is now back in her home country) and so I ended it because I knew the my relationship with my partner was more important to my life.
That was your choice. Did she ASK you to? My guess is not.
I love her dearly, to the point where I moved half-way across the world for her (and she did sort of ask for me to do that). Things were becoming fantastic before she went back to her home town and she saw him again. I didn't necessarily voice disapproval this time, but she knew I wasn't exactly happy about it. Now it's just about ruining the relationship.
Am I being too possesive?
Yes.
Or am I actually making a point that she doesn't see?
Does she claim to see your point? When the two of you discuss this, does she acknowledge your feelings? Is this really about, she understands how you feel, but she does it anyway (which by the way, does NOT mean she doesn't care, it just means she thinks you're being as foolish as I do)? Because the most you can do is share your concerns with her and then find a way do deal with her choices. If she's totally oblivious, that's another discussion.
Well if she's more interested in keeping a friendship with her ex-boyfriend,
Has she SAID that???? Do your best not to put words into her mouth or emotions into her heart.
then I'll leave her, because I won't waste my time with her.
If you actually ask her to make the choice, be prepared for her to walk. There are many such circumstances in which I would.
Any thoughts?
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