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Originally Posted by Sextion92
I'll try not to give too much unnecessary information here we just need some ansers.
Ya done good. Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that address the most common questions and concerns people have. Please read all of them as knowledge is empowering. If you click on the site's Home page you will find additional information.
So it has been a year and a half since me and my current girlfriend started dating (aww..how sweet) and we practice oral sex and sexual messages. And yes I have read every artical on this site educating on cunnulingus and fingering.
This is why I recommend reading all of the articles listed in the Index. You missed a couple of important ones--those are the ones that discuss the female "O". The answer to your problem most likely is discussed in this one:
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
The first couple of times I fingered her it wasn't that good no biggie though because we're thinking I'll just get better. Well as time goes on ...my dumbass still hasn't maneged to finish the job, never coming close to her orgasm is more like it.
Most likely you are probably doing a fine job, and while you may need some fine tuning later on, you cannot expect results unless and until your girlfriend learns how to masturbate and can do so regularly and consistently.
Boys are driven by hormones and genes to learn right out of puberty, not so girls who often learn later in life if at all. For the fairer gender, learning to masturbate is not a prime directive it is for us guys; learning requires determination and a conscious effort. So, ask her to read the articles listed in the Index that discuss the female orgasm. There is much backgrouind and how-to information that she needs to learn.
FIRST QUESTION: I really don't know how I'm not doing a good job I try to respond to her body signals and keep going when she is liking it but it just results in failure. And we communicate well too (I think?). So what could I possibly be doing wrong?
We do not give orgasms away. Each person, male and female, is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help them achieve them. For this to happen, each of us must learn how to accomplish this on our own. Mother Nature plays a trick on us in that she gives us a pleasure center in the brain, sensitive nerve endings all over our skin, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals and sensations back and forth. What she does not do is to connect everything together and this is what we do by practicing masturbation early on.
Once she knows how and can do it regularly, has established the connections, then she can show you how to mimic her unique method. Look for the discussion on this, also. The same goes for you. While every male strokes a penis in basically the same way, each of us develops some specifics that are unique to each of us. Show her how you masturbate, then take her hand and move it accordingly over several sessions until she learns your technique.
Next, comes feedback. This is a form of communication, verbal or non-verbal that we use to signal each other how we are responding to their caresses and for what we need now/next. Another discussion you can read about.
SECOND QUESTION: When I ask her if she has ever had an orgasm she replies saying that she is unsure of what exactly an orgasm is. This suggests to me that she has never had one  . How would I go about explaining this to her? Shouldn't she have come across one while mastubating? Obviously she hasn't had one then either.
Nope. Do you know what an orgasm is? Of course you do, did you know before you had that very first one? This is where she is.
IN CONCLUSION: She says she doesn't care but she is just being considerate of my feelings, and if she never had chocolate I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care if she didn't know how much she liked it. I am just REALLY wanting to pay her back for the great job she gives me all the time and I am willing to do whatever for just that. It has been a year and a half and I have read every article on this site til' I'm falling asleep. Any more questions?..ask away.
I am way beyond frustration. Any answers and help is GREATLY appreciated, thank you in advance. |
She probably does not care as long as you are providing the closeness and emotional support she seeks. Please keep in mind that as great as orgasms are, especially when women discover them, they are not the imperative they are for us. So, if she has them or not,
and some percentage of women never climax, as long as her other needs are being supported and met, you are doing fine and she is not necessarily missing out.
I encourage both of you to read all of the articles, gain some more knowledge, discuss the information you have acquired, and then encourage her to practice masturbating when home alone and the house is quiet. Depending upon how often she practices, the exercise might take a few days or a few weeks. Once she "connects the dots", knows what an orgasm is, can repeat the experience over and over, then she can show you how to mimic her technique and give you feedback on how she is responding and for what she needs now/next.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?