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You are depressed and anxious because that's the way your brain is functioning right now. Sounds like several therapists have told you this. I understand you're not fond of medications, but they may help you in coping, at least for now.
There are plenty of people having sex/women AND still having panic attacks, fears, and other emotional problems. Sex isn't going to fix something that is not ready to heal. Some depressed people get into relationships and they think the depression is "cured" when instead it's just redirected, and the relationship is eventually going to fail.
I do sympathize with your situation, and I sincerely hope you find the help you need. Perhaps instead of focusing only on the end goal (sex or girlfriend) you can just take life one day at a time. Your first little goal could be to get more comfortable talking to females, and then perhaps try to spend time with them as friends.
It's true there are some women out there who find virgins a bit of a turn on. But there are also unfortunately some women who see someone inexperienced & emotionally fragile and will totally use you (possibly making you worse than ever). Heal and be stronger first, then think about putting yourself out there.
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