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First let me echo Doc's remarks about you stepping up. Many guys, both your age and supposedly more mature, skip out. That appears to have never even entered your mind. Good for you.
There is something to be said for the opinion that children benefit from having two parents in the home. He needs you, he needs her, but that doesn't necessarily mean he needs you both living in the same house. And if doing so would mean drama and instability, then he most certainly does NOT need that. All children really need is stability and love. All too often parents try to stay together 'for the kids' and end up causing the kids more pain than if they'd not made themselves miserable trying to live with someone who makes them crazy, hurt and possibly even depressed.
Your instincts appear to be good on this. My first suggestion is to have this conversation with HER, though. Helping US see that she's looking at life from a little bit skewed perspective, doesn't communicate that to HER. Doc's suggestion about couples counseling is a good one also. Certainly give this your best effort, but at the end of the day (and please don't take this as my advocating that what I'm about to say happen NOW), you may need to give up the ghost on the relationship.
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