Quote:
Originally Posted by dancingdoc2
The problem with this question is that many people nowadays refer to "sex" as intercourse. While this is OK, it can be a problem if someone refers to "sex" or having a problem with "sex" during Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting and/or the Foreplay stage(s).
When someone writes in about having some specific difficulty with "sex", my initial response is always to be more specific. The same thing holds true for "foreplay". Foreplay activities are specific to oral stimulation, a hand job, and/or anal play--not all the fooling around that transpires beforehand. It is important therefore to call each stage by its name in order to understand where in the overall scheme of things the problem is happening.
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Doc, I agree with your point: we really ought to be more specific about what we mean by sex -- especially when discussing a sex-related (there we go again!) problem or difficulty. If I go to my doctor and tell him that I have a problem with sex, I need to be specific. If my wife isn't available to me, or if she wants more sex than I do, or if she likes it rougher than I do...none of that will be solved by the doctor assuming that I'm asking for some little blue pills.
My point in creating the poll was to emphasize the differences in, and maybe get a better understanding of, what "sex" means to a range of people. In my case, I was surprised by the difference in definitions between my wife and me -- and I probably know her better than I know anyone else. When she originally asked "How many women have you had sex with?", I answered truthfully
according to my own definition. It was a surprise that, all these years later, I found out that her definition was MUCH broader than mine. So, by her definition, the number of women I've had sex with is somewhat (OK, a lot) larger than what I told her. Not a big deal, but when the two of us run into an old girlfriend (as happens occasionally) and I'm asked afterward "Did you have sex with her?", I'd rather not answer something stupid like "By whose definition?". I don't know about you, but that would probably earn me a few nights on the couch.
If we had the "What is your definition of sex?" discussion at the beginning, there wouldn't be that uncertainty about definitions. As you say, Doc, it's best to be specific. Of course, that's easier said than remembered when the relationship is new and you're ripping each other's clothes off.