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So you're saying that IN SPITE of all of the loyalty, love, understanding, companionship that your wife gives you on a constant basis and that special bond you share - one little fling would be enough to destroy ALL of that?
And after 25 years, one little fling would destroy the trust built up between you two. Interesting. Why is that?
Ah! Now we come to it - ego. Adultery hurts because the 'wounded' partner's ego leads them to question their own self-worth as a sexual partner.
Well, maybe you aren't all that good and maybe you are and just maybe the infidelity had nothing to do with you but was a personal failure of your spouse's or a change in your spouse's perspective. But if you play the victim, you will never know.
Perhaps it was their "avoiding wounding your ego" that kept your spouse's mouth shut in the first place. Rather than addressing an issue to you - he/she 'consulted' someone else. I know you're going to accuse me of blaming the victim but in reality - it happens.
She doesn't want sex for whatever reason, refuses to address the issue, he cheats, and she gets all upset - how many times have we heard it? The initial failure was her refusal to address the issue and seek some sort of a compromise. In the absence of her effort, using the above example, she has no right to play the victim now beyond regretting that her husband was human and therefore frail. The husband's infidelity was the second and subsequent failure - not the primary or casual failure. (Change the genders in the example to suit your needs.)
Nothing happens in isolation in a marriage.
Instead of worrying about your precious ego, search for and then fix the causes and stop worrying about the symptoms; adultery is a symptom - not a cause.
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