Quote:
Originally Posted by Pill
Anything you can do to maximize her exposure to other people (especially groups of people, and in person is of course by far most effective) with different attitudes will probably help, bit by bit.
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Short of taking her along to a swingers club, I'm not sure how this could be achieved; but I do think it's a good idea, nevertheless. Most of the contemporary sexual influences on my wife do seem to be negative ones, whether they come from books, films, current affairs or even word of mouth. Most of what affects her seems to strike a chord with her background morality, which gives it double verification, in her eyes.
We had a discussion last night which was quite revealing. It concerned her breasts. She wears no bra and I like nothing better than to reach from behind and cup them in my hands. I also like kissing, nibbling, nuzzling, them. She has recently seemed to endure rather than enjoy overt sexual attention to her breasts, and last night I asked why. Specifically, I demonstrated what I liked to do, and asked if it was pleasurable or not.
It turned out that she found it pleasurable but that that pleasure set up a conflict in her head. She claimed her body was receiving messages from my stimulation that asked her breasts to produce milk, and that that was not something she wanted to happen, because she believes it is for babies only. I agreed that that was the purpose of breast milk; but I doubted she would produce any from the relatively innocuous stimulation I was giving. (Anyone who has experienced a baby sucking on one of their fingers can attest to the extraordinary vigour of their demand).
It then turned out that she thought sexual attention to the breasts, and by definition, sexual indulgence on the part of women, were a prime cause of breast cancer. She believed repeated attempts on the part of the body to produce milk when it was clearly unable to do so compromised its normal functioning. As an adjunct to this, she suggested breasts had come to the fore in terms of attractiveness to men, and sources of sexual pleasure to women, only as a result of men denying women the right to breastfeed, through mass production and marketing of bottled milk.
So there I was. I could touch her breasts and she found that acceptably pleasurable; but if I did any more than that, although she still found it pleasurable, concern started mounting in her that further indulgence might not only be doing her harm, but would somehow exonerate 'man's' perfidy. That concern then began to turn what was previously pleasurable into an irritance.
In a nutshell, why should I, being a man, and therefore indirectly responsible for denying women their right to breastfeed, with the hidden motive of guarding and deifying the breast as a sexual object, which as a result, caused breast cancer, be rewarded, firstly by being allowed to stimulate her in this area, and secondly by her finding the experience pleasurable?
Interestingly, the only time my wife openly relishes breast stimulation is in the later stages of intercourse. Again, it seems she loses her inhibitions only when she's moved beyond a certain threshold.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm ridiculing my wife. To a certain extent, I share her views; but I also happen to believe breasts are as valid an erogenous zone as any other, that 'sexual suckling' in not injurious to their health, and that she shouldn't be afraid of allowing herself to experience pleasure through them.
I don't believe any amount of logic expounded by me will change my wife's underlying views on this subject. I may, however, be able to bring forward her 'inhibition threshold', somewhat. At any rate, that's what I'm working on at the moment. However, peer pressure, as you describe it, might well help to change her beliefs.
I'm a member of a men's group. We sit and chat, every month or so, on various subjects. We've never talked about sex, though; or not in any serious, detailed way. Maybe women's groups exist in our neighbourhood; I've heard women are more likely to talk intimately amongst themselves than men.