Quote:
Originally Posted by Pill
Exposure to information on the physical/mental/spiritual benefits of a more relaxed and open sexuality might help, as well as exposure to the idea that many people actually view sexuality in such lights.
You probably get the drift. Over time, subtly suggesting to your wife that a less restrictive view of sexuality is healthier and more natural may change her attitudes.
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My wife has very fixed opinions about certain matters. When she makes up her mind on something, it's set, like concrete. Her convictions can crumble, though. It usually happens in a rush, from something she experiences directly rather than from something she reasons out.
I think maybe if she heard or was exposed to the sort of information you suggest from other people she respected it might influence her; but from me, she would know what was at the back of my mind, and would resist all the harder. In fact, I think that's more or less what has happened.
That's why I had hoped going to a therapist might help.
Any direct appeal by me to my wife's rational mind seems a waste of time. I go along with Freud's notion of each of us being made up of an ego (our responsible adult), an id (our irresponsible child) and a superego (our concerned parent). Hopefully, in our sex lives, we can indulge the child in us, within the bounds of adult reason, without our parent proclaiming this is wrong.
I want to indulge the child in me by enjoying sex as much as possible; my adult is okay with this; so is my parent. My wife has a child who I'm sure would like nothing better than to indulge herself; but the adult in her has become far less accommodating, over time; and her parent is stricter and more vocal than before. In my opinion, her child is sexually subdued.
My task, as I see it, is not to try and persuade her adult of the error of its ways (I've tried); still less try to convince her parent it's misguided (an impossible task); but to try and liberate her child.
Does that make sense? It's how to do it that's troubling me!