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I can't say, at my tender age and with longest lasting relationship having lasted but a fraction of the time you and your wife have been together, that I've been in a situation like yours. I can say, though, that I've had the experience of being with someone who is as inexperienced and un-sexual as they come, and being the one who has poked and prodded her in the direction of discovering her own sexuality... She's gone from someone who never masturbated to someone who does regularly, and from someone who couldn't be physically aroused by my tenderest efforts with hand or tongue to someone who gets wet at what sometimes seems like the drop of a hat, and LOVES cunnilingus.
What I wish to convey is how I think this came about.
I suspected that my girlfriend's lack of response was not due to some deficit in my sexual technique; there was no technical 'key' that would unlock her sexuality. It sounds like your wife is much the same: Her problem isn't with how she's being stimulated but rather with how she reacts to stimulation.
In my girlfriend's case, I believe that this was both because of her inexperience and her attitudes towards sex. She had not had what I would call a 'sex positive' upbringing. Not especially sex-negative, either... More like 'we don't talk about that.' It sounds to me like you have ample reason to suspect that your wife's change in sexual response is at least partly due to some change in her attitudes regarding sex and sexuality, which is why I dare to venture that my girlfriend's path towards what I would call a healthier sexuality is one your wife could walk.
Firstly there is the matter of how one goes about attempting to change another person's attitudes. Overt efforts at persuasion are likely to meet with defeat. Social psych research has shown that when a person knows that someone else is attempting to persuade them, they are less likely to be persuaded. I therefore suggest that you avoid doing so, and instead try to persuade her in a more subtle manner: Obliquely introduce her to the way that YOU view sexuality, and allow those notions to roll around in her head some.
I think that introducing the concept of a 'healthy' and 'natural' sexuality is a very important step. If she is indeed hewing closely to an indoctrinated view of sexuality, then (obliquely!) give her OTHER views to consider, and maybe she'll decide she likes them better. Find ways to expose her to sex-positive material, once again WITHOUT making it obvious that you are doing so intentionally and with the intent to persuade her.
It may seem that I am beleaguering this point, and I suppose I am. It is a very important point. It may also seem manipulative, and by some definitions it may be, but as long as it isn't done with deception I don't regard it as morally questionable.
Exposure to information on the physical/mental/spiritual benefits of a more relaxed and open sexuality might help, as well as exposure to the idea that many people actually view sexuality in such lights.
You probably get the drift. Over time, subtly suggesting to your wife that a less restrictive view of sexuality is healthier and more natural may change her attitudes.
This is more or less how things went with my girlfriend, except that because she had a less actively *negative* attitude towards sexuality I was able to be somewhat more explicit about my desire to change her attitudes. And if you feel that your wife can handle it without becoming defensive (and you're comfortable doing so), you can try telling her that you think that her attitudes are less than healthy, but from the way things SOUND I'm not sure that'll work very well.
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