[dancingdoc2]

> I dated this guy for not long (he was my first bf, first kiss, first anything), it wasnt a very good relationship

> I felt like I was in love with him. Now I realise I wasnt.

> He broke up with me for his ex-gf, though they didn't get together & for a couple of months we hated each other.

> He was telling me I was nothing & I was a regret.

> Now he has a new gf, I kinda want him back.

> One minute I hate him, the next i'm completely infatuated with him.

> when we were dating I wanted it to end because it was more 'friends with NO benefits'. I dont think I want him back, cos I know for a fact it wouldn't work as a relationship.

> I just want SOMEONE, I dont care who really, as long as theres n attraction.

Did you read your post? The above comments are mixed--contradictory.

> I think I would be fine with just the dating around/sleeping with people, just for a small moment where I feel like someone actually cares about me.

This won't work. It is no solution. Why? First because girls want to be validated, know that they are cared for; guys on the other hand will say and do anything in order to get their rocks off. Sleeping around with just anybody who tells you what you want to hear won't give you the sense of belonging you crave. If you do not know the boy's history, you open yourself up to all sorts of problems--medical as well as potential abuse.

Great relationships are partnerships. Two autonomous adults (who can live quite well on their own) choose to live together in order to have a life greater than the sum of their parts. They are formed out of love, respect, care--not need. Right now you are in need.

I recommend that you work on your self esteem and self confidence, both of which seem to be in a slump. The idea is to be happy with you and in who and what you are. NOBODY can accomplish these aspects of their life by relying upon and leaning on someone else. If you expect to find happiness or validation from someone else who only wants you for a great orgasm, then you will be harming yourself further.

> I keep getting thoughts about how I can get him again, even though he has a gf. I know that is really bad & i hate myself for saying it, but the way his acting & things his saying, I dont think he'd refuse.

> Since we broke up I realised I was nothing to him,

Really? Do you really want someone who you think doesn't care about you? Why do you think so little of yourself. Time to act your way to success.

Dating should not begin and end with the first warm body who expresses an interest in us. The purpose of dating is to learn about others and to learn what humanity has to offer us in a potential mate. We learn about various personalities, characters, likes, dislikes, quirks, values, goals, etc.

If you date casually, you can date one or two people at a time and be pretty much assured that you have someplace to go Friday night. By dating casually, you can learn about others, have a sense of belonging yet without all the drama and trauma that comes from being exclusive with one person. So, I recommend that you let your family and friends know that you want to date and ask them to help you find someone. This is called networking. the more eyes you have working on your behalf, the greater your chances of finding someone. The more people you date over the next several years, the better able you will be at determining when Mr. Right enters the picture.

You are correct, you have changed--more importantly, you will continue to change and mature over the next several years. Who you like today will not likely be a person you would consider as a potential mate in five or ten years. This is all the more reason to "play the field". You learn who and what you like in a person, you have more dating opportunities and with people who like you for you.

Young teens are very "clickish" tending to form friendship groups. Two things come of this: first, they bolster each others confidence and sense of self importance; second, the group also tends to be hard on or make life difficult for outsiders. Unfortunately, this is a phase. My suggestion is to work on one girl and one boy and try to develop friendships with each. If first you do not succeed, try try again, and again. You will soon learn that you will be feeling better about yourself. As you are doing this, act the part of the person you wish to become and before long your behavior will take on lasting characteristics.

Whenever this old boyfriend comes to mind--change your mind and think about something else. Change it often and repeatedly at first. As time passes, you will think about him less and less.

Lastly, please read the articles on dating and relationships that are listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen. Knowledge is empowering.

> So i'm not sure what to do with myself =/ Im a mess.

I hope this is of help. Give my recommendations a try for six months and see where you are emotionally by New Years. Got questions?