[oils_u]

A little history.

She is my first girlfriend. The only relationship I've ever had. She had one boyfriend before me, they only went to second base. I am the first guy she's gone all the way with. We have such a great relationship. We are known among our friends and family for being so completely in love. People are amazed at how we kept the puppy love for over 10 years.

When we first started dating, like any horny 18 year old boy, I was slightly pushy. Our sex life was active for the first year or so, I believe, because I was pushy. She began expressing discomfort in how strongly I was coming onto her so I began training myself to leave her alone. I stopped asking for blowjobs (for our first 5 years together we didn't go further than oral), I struggled with trying not to fondle her, etc. - unless I was absolutely sure she was ok with it. Then once a month or so we would fool around (I believe as favors to me). She often would say that she had no interest in it to start but did end up enjoying herself once we were into it.

Once we were engaged we began having sex. For a few years the behavior was the same. The only difference was that we ended our episodes with intercourse instead of oral. Oral sex became for foreplay only. Maybe once a year, maybe, she'll treat me to oral that doesn't have to lead to sex. She has no interest in me treating her.

A few years after we were married she went to counseling for help with some minor abuse from her early teenage years. This helped greatly. She began actually wanting the sex and it doubled. Now we have sex every couple weeks instead of once a month, and I don't feel like it's just because she feels sorry for me. I feel some insecurities still about her desire for me at times though. Spending the first 7 or 8 years with her not desiring made me feel unwanted and unattractive. She promises that it isn't me but that's hard to shake.

So what I'm left with at present is: I feel like I've missed out on sexual experimentation, she's better but still what I feel is closed off to sex a bit more than what is normal, and a little paranoid that she isn't into me sexually.

To answer your questions, she does enjoy sex with me. She tells me she does and I believe she is being truthful. I've tried many different ways to encourage more sexually minded thinking. Just recently I've suggested we share fantasies or desires. I told her that I felt like I couldn't share many of mine because I spent so long trying to be cautious. She was open to hearing mine but said she didn't fantasize and had nothing to tell.

We do have some toys for the bedroom. They get used once in a blue moon and we've also tried many times to come up with new things in the bedroom. They always seem to fall by the wayside. Many of them are simple elements that just add a new twist to the same sex we always have. (a cough drop when giving oral and that sort of thing) I seem to be the one who wants to be bold.

I love her more than anything. This is the only thing we really struggle with. Otherwise people are jealous of how perfect our relationship is. Being romantic doesn't come naturally to me and I put a really big effort into trying to change that. Sometimes I'm pretty lame but it should be the thought that counts and she seems to appreciate it. I don't want this to look like a relationship that is in trouble. We are both extremely happy together. It's just this one area. Even with a weaker sex drive than I would like she is the most perfect woman in the world for me. I love her to death. I don't agree with flirting, I don't gawk at women, I've never cheated- I just want her and I'm extremely hopeful that we can share a more adventurous and mutual bedroom life.