[assman]

My wife and I have been married for almost 7 yrs.We have 2 kids and it has changed our sex lives.The little we have(3 times/month) is great though.We have explored new pleasures such as anal and oral play.We both love performing these acts on each other.
The kids are getting older and sleeping better allowing more time for ourselves but we still are not using some of this time for more sex.I'm ready for it but it seems she is not.She seems happy with our so called scheduled sex time.This has lead to no spontaneous moments.I also want to bring an anal toy to the bedroom to assist in pleasuring her even more.I have asked but she was not at all excited.I also would like her to take control more often when we are having sex.
I know talking about sex with your partner is the best thing to do but it seems I don't know the right things to ask to win her over on some of my ideas or for us to even in engage in a good conversation about my topics.
Looking for ideas.