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Originally Posted by mandm2
ok doc...we (bf and I) are talking about moving in together and both of us have been married before. his kids are older and out of the house and married, mine are still in the house. is anything different for us that we should be doing or talking about? My bf says there is...and we have already talked about my boys and housekeeping and each of our own freedom to come and go.
Thank you for adding to this thread. Each parent is the primary disciplinarian for his/her child(ren). The Step Parent should support the decisions of the other in order for the youngster(s)/teen(s) to understand that there is a unified parent/child relationship and not to play one parent against the other in an attempt to get what s/he wants.
The only time a Step Parent can wield any authority is when the child is under about five years of age when they become a step parent; beyond this, it is too late. This is not a problem for you with his children; however, he must go to or work through you for all major decisions and corrections.
I owe about $5600 in debt but I am on a debt consolidation plan that I hate..but what can you do. Does he know..no he doesnt.
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As noted in the article, you should work to pay off the debt before marriage. If this is not practical, then budget for it and try to make double principle payments whenever possible in order to shorten the time required to pay off the obligation.
Your boyfriend should know about your debt. Money is often at the root of marital problems. Why keep the secret when he will probably find out later, anyway? Your family budget must be a partnership just like with other aspects of the relationship. This does not mean that each of you cannot have separate monies and accounts; it does mean that you have full disclosure and contribute to the family finances in good faith. Trust is also a part of this.
So let him know how much he can expect you to contribute each month to the family budget, when the loan will be paid off, and, what will be done with all or part of that payment when the money is freed up. Allowances for each of your children should be a fixed amount that is age appropriate. The money does not hing upon working around the house or taken away for infractions. Allowances are constants, just like your salaries. The money must be something that they can count on. Do not use the money to reprimand or punish.
Your boys should have age appropriate chores to do around the house, and, be responsible for cleaning up after themselves. This may or may not include doing their own laundry, and it most definitely means making beds, cleaning rooms, and straightening up the public areas of your home. Why? In addition to helping out, they will be learning life skills that they may very well need in the near future when they are out on their own.
Part of their chores or learning should be how to do laundry, vacuum, and clean--and cook; not to mention how to budget their allowances. Teach them how to be self sufficient. You are teaching them to be adults. They should understand that their "job" is to get an education and do household chores, just like yours is to earn an income, etc. Just give them plenty ofv time to be kids.