[Chino]

Here's the situation. Sorry if this type of situation has been addressed before, but my quick search yielded nothing fruitful.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for over 2. Other than the first year we were together, we have always had problems stemming from her lack of a sex drive. There's psychologists involved and many complex issues behind this issue, but it remains none-the-less. Recently, while having a very open and honest conversation she told me that she doesn't know that she will ever enjoy/desire sex and is certain it will never fully meet my needs. That's when she says that maybe we should consider that I simply have sex with other people. Wait...what?!

So put yourself in my shoes for a moment now. I have been extremely patient with my wife and this issue over the years and have experienced everything from set schedules with each day and action pre planned to 9 months of no interactionwith various acts and actions being ok one day and off limits the next. Sex rarely (almost never) is a loving, connecting experience for us because of her issues.

Now she is basically saying to fulfill my needs with other women. If you've never had this statement come your way as an honest suggestion in a serious relationship I don't know if I can explain the surge of emotions I felt appropriately. On the one hand it sounds like the answer to all of my problems and I get to do what few married people do which is continue to have new sexual encounters with new people. Exciting stuff. In the same instant, I love my wife and think she is the most beautiful woman on earth. She is petite and sexy and just thinking about her still can make blood relocate in my body...and now I just received what is a very clear statement on her thoughts of a prognosis.

We love each other very much, are best friends and will spend the rest of our lives together. We click on every level except this one and its not like she would click with someone else on this. It's an issue that goes beyond our relationship. I'm not sure what her needs are in this arrangement yet because we haven't gotten that far, but I know I need this to go down a certain way. For one, I need her to be involved on some level. Not in the room or engaged in the sex, but in the same place and friendly with the girl. My fear is that if it is some person she doesn't know and not around her, quiet jealousy will burn. Why is he gone on Tuesday? Why is he not home yet? Who is this chick and could he fall in love with her? All of that. I also feel as though I'd need her involved to keep me honest. To keep me from blurring the boundaries of what is already dangerous freedom.

I am well aware of how the introduction of a third party(s) could complicate things but I'm looking for any advice from someone who has been in a similar situation or has experience with one. Thanks for any advice.