|
It might seem a bit ambitious for me to offer advice, as on another thread I'm asking for it myself, for what seems on the surface to be a similar sort of problem; but what I would suggest is you sit down and talk to your wife and agree with her to each chose, on alternate days, in advance, one act of physical intimacy and one act of sexuality that you want to perform the following day.
Whoever makes the choice, it is their job to initiate both acts; they decide where, when and for how long. If every other day is too often, make it every two days, or even once a week. We settled on every day, because it was easier to keep track.
Within reason, the person who chooses agrees only to nominate mutually 'acceptable' behaviours; and the person who isn't choosing agrees to perform those acts graciously and wholeheartedly.
Acts of physical intimacy could be a cuddle on the sofa, an extended hug, taking a walk while holding hands, exchanging a massage, etc.
Acts of sexuality could be anything that causes sexual arousal, but should include 'short duration' events, so that neither party feels overwhelmed. Orgasm certainly isn't obligatory.
My wife and I did just this and it worked incredibly well; but what we gained in terms of rekindled interest from my wife in sex, and both of us in physical, non sexual intimacy, has been mitigated to a certain extent by my wife's persisting unwillingness to expand what is 'acceptable' behaviour for her.
I hope The Program will help us address this, little by little.
The hardest part, I found, was initiating the discussion in the first place; but, as it happened, my wife was really glad to talk about it.
On the surface, such a 'dating' regime may seem artificially contrived and wholly lacking in spontaneity - which it is - but when the alternative is as bleak as you portray, and your existing weekly dates are so uninspiring, maybe restructuring your sex and intimacy quota is a price worth paying.
|