Thank you for the reply.
It is interesting that he can watch adult videos yet not get into it himself with a real live star and do whatever his imagination dreams up. You might pose the question that way.
It is not unusual for a few fellas to woo and wow a girl, work hard at dating her until he gets her to bed, then talks her into living with him, and then once he has done this consider the job done with no more effort required on his part. He is then off to new conquests, fiddling with the car or truck, etc., while leaving the girl or mother of his child(ren) home to fend for herself while he is out playing with his pals. WRONG.
He must know and understand that a relationship is a partnership. Life together is handled by both the man and the woman and is comprised of two autonomous adults who come together in order to have a life that is greater than the sum of its two parts. The same holds true for the romance and sexual department. Sex is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other.
Your boyfriend must understand that living with you requires his contribution. Money is not the extent of it. His contribution is to take out the trash, set the table, dust, vacuum, do laundry, wash windows, make the bed, change the bed, tidy up, cook, wash the dishes or fill/empty the dishwasher, go grocery shopping--whatever. Whether he does all of this, part, or does what he sees needs to be taken care of. You do the same. If you work outside the home, then he should be taking care of most of the chores. If both of you work outside the home, then the two of you share the chores.
If you are a stay at home mom, then it is acknowledged that you are working the equivalent of two full time jobs. There is absolutely no excuse for him to come home after work, say he is tired, and tune out or go out. Give him his thirty minutes if need be to get into home mode and then expect, nay demand that he carry his weight.
If he is unable or unwilling to pick up the slack, do his part and more, then pack your bags and move. You don't need to be his maid and cook and housekeeper when you are not his lover, first. Kiss him on the cheek, print the contents of this thread and hand him the papers as you walk out the door, bags in tow. Give him time to grow and mature and learn to take responsibility. If you cut off his source of income, he will have to, anyway, so better he take charge and do some of these things while you are there, rather than after you have left.
If you choose to leave--leave. Do not vascillate around. Do not return unless and until you see dramatic improvements in how he lives his life alone and he has a successful track record of at least half a year or more.
Please go to the Index and read this article:
I think we are ready to live together!!
We frequently hear about people living together who later find that one, the other, or both are not happy living together. Similarly, we frequently read a post in which a couple is contemplating moving in together and looking for a suitable residence. Here is an initial Check List.
IF he shows an interest in helping out around the home, take the lad under your wings and teach him how to be self sufficient by giving him some home economics lessons in how to do grocery shopping, and how to cook and prepare meals, and how to separate cloths and do the laundry, etc. He may never have been taught. He may know how to do one or more of these things like vacuuming yet not know how to organize the chores and put them together so that they get done during the week.
Speaking of which, I had an older cousin who would tell me every time I telephoned that she was cleaning house. How, I thought, can she and her husband dirty a three bedroom one bath house so much. Years later she told me her secret: she vacuumed and dusted one room a day during the week until the entire house had been cleaned! This worked well for her because she only needed to spend a few minutes out of her day instead of working on all the rooms on one particular day. She did not become tired or bored and had most of her days free.
When she cooked, she cooked for four or six and placed the left overs in the freezer for another day. She only cooked meals three or four days a week, much of which were easy meals to prepare.
Now, if he doesn't show any interest, then prepare yourself for the move. You can stop cooking and cleaning a few days before you move out. If he isn't going to uphold his end of the bargain, no reason you should continue to.
I'm willing to work with you and ultimately him if you see any value in this. The choice is his. Explain it like it is or must become and watch his reaction.