Hey.
First off, thanks for the site - wow(!) have I learned a lot reading stuff here.
I'm 48, closing on 49. I've been together with my current husband since I was about 30. He's entirely my best friend. You know how people have affectionate names like "lover", "sweetie" etc.? Ours is "Buddy". Raises an eyebrow here and there.
One of the reasons we initially got together is that we were best friends, and while both of us enjoyed sex, we didn't really...care? I'm not sure what the right word is here. Anyway, we had adequate and occasionally great sex for about ten years.
I've never been one to talk about what pleases me. (Move 1/4 inch DOWN damn it - lol) though there were a few times when I told him specifically, he did it....specifically, and it was amazing. Usually, if I was brave enough to actually ask for it, though, it meant we'd both been drinking and therefore he'd be kind of fuzzy about it the next day. So next time I was into it, I'd have to teach all over again...assuming I's had a couple glasses of wine or shots of whiskey in me, and was feeling brave.
If nothing else, he could get me off with his tongue and I can always get off on my own.
We live very rurally. I'm not talking a rural area, I mean
really rural old log cabin, off grid, limited services; have for six year, and it plays a part in my questions, which is why I'm mentioning it. :P
About - oh, eight to ten years ago, he and I mostly quit having sex entirely. There was the occasional tri-annual morning quicky ("Ok, wtf...go ahead"). As time went on, it got worse, to the point where other than in the last two weeks (more in a second) I think we've had sex three times in four years, and all of them were quickies.
As I said, I have never been comfortable talking about sex and what I want. And to a certain extent, I kind of didn't care. I can masturbate and get myself off in just a few minutes, so...what the heck? Why bug him?
In the past 7-8 years, dependable sex (that wasn't a morning quickie, just for him) has required Viagra, which was the only drug available at the time he started taking it.
Each of us masturbates (viagraless lol) in bed 3-5 times per week (In the past, I've been great at ignoring him at those moments, and he never notices because if I'm careful I can be realllll quiet) for the past five years.
Three or four years ago I did start to care. I finally got brave enough to talk to him about it, about two years ago, in very specific terms: I need sex and I need this kind of sex. I twas the first time in 46 years I'd EVER opened up to a guy that way. His response was that my eyes were scary when I said it, which pissed me off; my response was to leave him for a week lol.
Well, it turns out it wasn't just my "scary eyes". I'd gained weight after we got married. When we moved into our current situation, I was at about 170, pretty chunky. At the point of that conversation (2 years ago) I'm guessing I was...195? Not sure. We didn't/don't even have a mirror here. Way too heavy, anyway. The reaction really helped, in the long run.
By November 1, 2007, I was up to 208.5 pounds. Since then, I've dropped down to about 157-158. Another 10 to 15 pounds, and I'll be golden. Lol. (No praise needed. Just watched what I was drinking and eating, as I should have been in the first place.)
I write fiction as a hobby. A couple of months ago, in response to a query about something completely different, google kicked up "Is Erotica Writing For You?" and I stopped to read it. Consquently, I've started writing (mostly for myself) erotic romance/erotica as a hobby. Keep in mind, my imagination is better than any erotic scene I've ever read, and any scene I've ever written...this is just a hobby. But boy have I *learned* stuff!
My buddy thinks it's great. Been cheering me on as a matter of fact.
I have learned a lot about masturbating in the past 2 months, about how my body works. Very...enlightening? lol
Sexwise, since our "incident" where I left him two years ago, we've had sex once or twice depending on how you count it lol both times in the last two weeks, and mostly because I've been thinking, and hence, talking about it.
We had a morning quicky a couple of weeks ago and we had a very enlightening, if intoxicated, finger-f**king session. (It was fun. "Really? There? That's all I have to do?" "Well, not all, but..." lol).
So anyway, I'm still chunky and have a ways to go, but he's willing. We have a second issue, though, and that's that we live in a very rural VERY RURAL situation, where showers are difficult at best (and dont include any kind of water pressure lol).
In the winter, like now, we end up in a situation where we have drained the water tank to keep the pipes from freezing. This year, we've been without *cold* running water since December 10th. Thank god we have neighbors that will loan us the occasional shower!
So ya gotta pick and choose your times for sex, because there's smelly and there's omfg-what-the-hell-is-that-smell.
Annnyway, I talked to my husband a couple of days ago, and we have a date on Friday afternoon, until...whenever. (We work together, at home, for 15 years now.) We have a "shower date" at the neighbors that morning. What I told him, specifically, was I wanted to set a date that included probably a couple of hours of foreplay before he ever got off...that I wanted a date and some very selfish sex, is how I put it. He was fine with it. He's game.
He's listened to me talk and is willing to try about anything. (In the aforementioned finger f**king session, among other things, he let me try to reach his prostate gland, but we didn't have lube and it wasn't...optimal. He's willing to try again with lube lol.)
So he's willing to try anything, but his slant on it is "surprise me". He doesn't want to talk about it much before we *do* stuff (unless it requires a purchase, e.g. lube). Since not talking about sex was one of the original problems, that makes me a bit nervous, but I think we can work around that. Specifically, he said he's willing to follow directions to a point, but he d*oesn't want to follow a "script".* (Sort of killed the idea of following EEK's "Program" lol.) So I really can't talk about this much ahead of time with him. (Or....maybe I can, if he is approached the right way. He's my best friend; he'll put up with a lot from me.)
For my part, I just want to try out a whole bunch of cool new stuff I've learned about my body and some of the new positions I learned about from this site that will work with said body. (Man, I cannot TELL you how I'm looking forward to this.) No pressure (as I told him) I just wanna find out what things *do*. (Jeeze, even now I'm blushing.)
I think we have one 4-year old Viagra left (no 4-year olds in real life, just lotsa animals). I've got 2-3 hours of times before/until he comes if I work hard to delay it, unless I can drag it out longer. I'm pretty sure he's sort of nervous. We live and work at home and it's Friday, so we could go for two and a half days. (Hmmmm.)
Where/what/how should we spend our time?
With Viagra, once he comes, he's come...nothing until a long period of revitalization. Are any of the other ED drugs better than that?
What critical question did I forget to ask?!? Rofl.
Thanks,
NP