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I agree with dlb - sex is not for the shy - but tact is appreciated. Therefore, saying "honey, I'd really appreciate it you would do x, y, and z when you're going down on me." is the acceptable formula. It is a REQUEST, not a DEMAND.
You also have more to discuss than this. Both of your attitudes towards sex have to be addressed. If you are going to indulge in adult play, you have to be adult about it.
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