[dancingdoc2]

Hello, and welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

Originally Posted by dare.devil

Okay, so...I'm 18 (19 in two weeks) and I lost my virginity last summer. I had sex a few times with that guy and it was pretty bad. I wasn't attracted to him and every time I had sex with him, it hurt, physically and emotionally. When the summer ended, so did my connection with him.

This is to be expected when one or both individuals have little or no experience and/or no practical knowledge. This can change when both parties are interested and motivated to know and to do better. If your hymen was torn in that encounter you should expect some discomfort, although, when the membrane heals the pain should go away.

Additional discomfort can be encountered when a guy is rough or if the vaginal opening is not pliable.

Then, I met my current boyfriend and that's where my current problem comes in. I don't particularly like porn, but when I read erotic literature, I get insanely turned on. I get this hot fluttery feeling in my stomach that kind of spreads all over. But when I'm with my boyfriend, I don't get that feeling. And it kind of frustrates me because I WANT to get that feeling when I'm with him, but it just doesn't happen.

It may be that you and your boyfriend like each other yet there is no "chemistry" and so the pheromones do not flow between you. On the other hand if there is sufficient chemistry it may just be that the information in the novels is working on your imagination in a way a real live human is not. Question: How do you react to your own fantasies?

If you and the guy have great chemistry and by that I do not mean an intense liking for each other, but more fundamental, then it seems to me that the feelings you want will probably happen with some enlightenment and experience on his part as well as your own.

I also masturbate pretty regularly, but I don't even do that in a "normal" way. I lie on my back, cup my vulva with my hand and just kind of move it up and down and that stimulates my clit until I reach orgasm. And I have to be completely tense when I do it.

Whatever works, although, I would recommend experimenting with fingering the clitoris and labia in various ways using the lightest of touch. It will take some time to retrain brain, although I think the time and effort will be rewarding in the long run.

I don't know...I feel like I'm not normal. I even tried letting my boyfriend watch me touch myself once or twice, but nothing. Basically, I can get myself off when I'm alone, but with my boyfriend, nothing happens.

Perhaps it is time for a different boyfriend. Dating does not begin and end with the first warm body that expresses an interest in us. Dating is ongoing and non exclusive. If you want to give this relationship some time to mature a bit and for the two of you to be comfortable with each other then go at this with more emphasis on making out than having sex. If after a couple of months the situation remains the same, then consider moving on. This does not imply that there is something wrong with him, only that the two of you are not compatible in a way you would like.