[EvilEvilKitten]

Your spouse, this does NOT apply to bf/gf, has committed adultery - that is actual physical real-life sex with another person and you have proof positive that this has occured.

(Please note: that in the absence of proof, loyalty demands that you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.)

The ONLY question you have to ask yourself is - Do I still love him/her? I understand that you may feel betrayed, hurt, and so on but put your pride aside for the moment, hold his/her image in your mind, think of the totality of your life together, and ask yourself the question. Whomever he/she is and whatever he/she has done - do you still love him/her?

If the answer is NO - you have only to consult the best divorce attorney in your area and file the papers. There is absolutely no point in staying married to him/her. It would only be a bleak existence and a lingering death. Best to end it.

If the answer is YES - then you have some options. Which you choose should be based solely upon the depth and quality of your love, your personality, your character, and your values.

Option 1 is to forgive and forget and he/she does not transgress again. Once is enough. Do it again and we're done. You are NOT permitted 'being nosy' until he/she has earned your trust because that would mean that you have not forgiven him/her so you reneged on the deal.

Option 2 is to let him/her have his/her designated lover on the side as it were and stay a warm loving couple. This takes courage but you will NOT be the first man/woman who has selected this option. As long as your spouse treats you with suitable consideration, you will have nothing to complain about.

Option 3 is to give him/her hell and not divorce but instead keep the erring spouse close so you can exact the most vengance possible of out of the situation until the hate and disgust you feel erodes your own character from the inside out. This too has been done before.

Option 4 is to not forgive and forget because there is nothing to forgive and forget. This takes the ultimate in strength, understanding, love, and maturity. If you can separate sex from love, then this is the best option for you both. This is the attitude of the polyamorous and those in the Swing Lifestyle.

Whether or not you continue enjoying sex with the erring spouse is up to you but whichever option you choose, be sure to think this through before you act. Effective communication between you two is mandatory so I strongly encourage you both to start talking and listening.


It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break one.