[dancingdoc2]

I had a boss once who gave me that tip. I will pay it forward.

PART II--

OK, let's say you will consider moving out yet before you do will give your relationship one last chance. I recommend sitting down with him and having a "business meeting" in which you discuss the business of your relationship.

1. Explain that you require maintenance and that he has to spend time being with you, not just occupying part of the same room doing his thing while you do yours.

2. If he does not help with the household chores, explain that this is a partnership in which both of you work together and share in the responsibilities. If he sees something needs to be done, take the initiative. Better to spend five minutes doing some little chore than half a day doing all of them on a day off.

3. If you co-mingle your monies, then set up a budget. Set aside so much of your income for bills, so much for joint activities, so much for your separate accounts in which you do not have to explain where the money goes, a minimum of 10% should go into savings and another 10% into a long term savings plan. If you are spending all your income and living paycheck to paycheck or if you are spending more than you make--make immediate changes and begin paying off the debt.

4. Set up a financial budget so the two of you know where your money is going.

5. Set up a daily or weekly planner in which the two of you agree to be responsible for certain tasks. Switch tasks occasionally. If he is to be responsible for the laundry one week and it doesn't get done, do not do it or if you must have clean clothes, wash only your own. The same goes for cooking meals. If he fails to prepare a meal, have a TV dinner set aside for yourself.

6a. Determine how much time he needs for his hobby per day/week and agree that each of you can only spend an agreed amount of time on the computer.

6b. The same for you.

7. Plan dates and activities that the two of you can do this week, next week, or at some future time and then schedule them on your calendar.

8. Decide to do small things together each day. As an example, take a walk around the block in the evening.

9. If each of you are attending to your individual chores, then help each other out, although, if he is overlooking his, let them pile up.

10. Clean house each day! Plan your work and work your plan by doing just one room a day. It is easier and quicker to dust, vacuum, and pick up one room each day than it is to clean the entire house on a day off.

11. If your relationship requires some work, then discuss this and work out a plan for how to accomplish what needs tweaking. If he is not paying any attention, then inform him why this aspect of living together requires ongoing effort. Ask for what you need, budget it, and then work on it together.

If he shows no interest in being with or in doing things with you, then let him know that unless he demonstrates some interest in being with you and fostering the relationship it is over. If you say it is over, mean it.