[dancingdoc2]

Your predicament has been discussed a time or two before. It is not uncommon for a young man to behave in this manner.

He suffers from the conquest and dominance syndrome, meaning that he goes off into the world in search of a conquest--in this situation--YOU. He searched for you, pursued you, woo'd you, won you, and now that he has you, placed you on a pedestal, and goes off in search of another conquest.

According to you, he has it pretty good. "i do everything for him and he does nothing for me." It must be nice to come home and as an example: say "hi", grab a beer, sit in front of the computer or TV, burp and zone out of the real world and into the virtual one. He gets dinner, has a laundry service, and what else? Does he help around the house/apartment, or do you do all the dusting, cleaning, and picking up after him?

I have observed many cases in which the next scenario is to have one or two children with such an oaf, only to find the wife sitting on the front stoop with babe in arms watching her man with his friends fiddle with the car or truck for hours on end. According to these guys, they bagged and bedded you, gave you a child, and go to work to pay the bills. What more do they need to do, except to search out the next conquest....

In a word, your boyfriend is immature. He may not have been properly taught by his parents how to manage a relationship or a household, and if true, this situation is not completely his fault. Now, having said that, if he is a smart guy and an observant individual, why doesn't he see you sitting on the stoop or waiting longingly in the house for him to complete whatever has his attention?

I had loving parents, went to college, and eventually married my high school sweetheart. My parents never taught me how to manage a house, so while I could vacuum, wash windows, make a bed, cook a steak, I had no clue how to integrate all these tasks, see when one or more needed attending to, or how to prepare a meal. What's more, I did not know how to budget money, keep a check book or savings account. These were part of the woman's tasks.

Unless or until he "wakes up" and smells the proverbial roses, and understands the importance of maintenance (you, your relationship, your home, your budget, etc.), I'm afraid no amount of whining, pleading, or cajoling is going to get what your heart desires. As far as he is concerned, he won you and now it is on to the next thing. "Maintenance?" He has yet to connect the dots between maintaining a vehicle and maintaining a relationship. He needs to learn the importance of budgeting his time and prioritizing his daily responsibilities. It is good that he has a hobby or an outside interest like his car; however, he must understand the importance of maintaining "inside interests", also.

Unfortunately, I do not see him or any other man behaving in a similar manner changing without a swift kick. Even if you do this, he will likely turn around as ask what that was for---duh. I agree with Sera300, let him see the handwriting on the wall with a note that says something like, a relationship takes two working together as a team, not two doing individual things. Move out and in with a girlfriend or female roommate unless you can afford to live independently. Do not be in any rush to find a new man and when you do, do not move in right away. Date, observe, and live independent lives for a year before making any long term live in arrangements. When you do entertain the idea of moving in together, spend some time observing how he maintains his home. Is it a mess, picked up, organized? Is there dust on the furniture? Can he cook and prepare a meal from scratch? Is his laundry done and put away? Does he have a bank account and money in a savings account and at least one long term account? How much debt does he have? How much credit card debt does he have?

Next, talk about household maintenance. Is he willing and able to share these tasks and to clean house, cook meals two or more times a week, and to attend to whatever needs doing without being asked. Does he spend time with you, planning things for the two of you to do, participating in your interests? If you can answer "yes" to all of these, then you can consider cohabiting.