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I would say you need to talk to a counselor. However, in the meantime you need to develop a sense of self. A world of your own where you are all you can be and do what you love.
Now, the dating part? You keep your life going and date; however, women seem to be picking up on your feelings. The others who treat you as less than worthy? They were never worth your time or trouble. Look at the women you pick, why, what do you find attractive? Try dating those you may have not thought to been your type.
How old are you?
Also, what do you do for hobbies? Or are you seeking yourself through another person? As you know suicide is the final choice and no going back to correct what seems so tough right now. If you feel the feeling is becoming a true thought--go to the local Emergency Room or Police Department...why? They will help you.
However, I think you are at the point of being down that life is not going the way you wish...have to make you life full and whole alone first--then allow the right person in. Finding good date material takes time & there is no guarantees.
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Our backgrounds & circumstances may influence who we are but we are responsible for who we become.
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