[Knight]

I’ll give my opinion on this even though I am probably not in the best position to be giving such advice. This is probably just a case of the blind leading the blind so be very critical of what I write.

For me, I have never been in a relationship; several times I’ve asked girls out, but was always turned down. I have been through the storm of emotion. I find it very difficult to keep going through this – having to snuff out all the feelings you build up for someone. Truth be told, I wish it were possible to purge the capacity for me to create romantic thoughts or attachments so I could free myself from the pain that always results. I have the impression that you feel similarly, though you have had greater success with women.

As you described there is a lady you met recently and whom you feel is trying to form a bond with you. Now I don’t know if she just wants to be friendly or something more, but fact of the matter is, she’s there in your life. That in itself to me is an amazing accomplishment – there is someone who wants to be with you (in whatever capacity). That you have something already with her (friendship) is already half the battle, it’s not like your watching from a window (such as I) women walking by and wishing that they knew you. But here you want to push her away because you don’t want to be hurt again and go through whatever it was you’ve had to previously face. I can truly understand that, but I think it’s going to hurt much more than it already does if you do succeed in pushing her away. And if you’re still worried that she will discover something about you that she won’t like, remember, your not getting married, you’re not both stuck together, you and her can dissolve this whenever you and her feel like it.

As much as I wish that I could purge from myself the emotion and desire for a female companion, there are many nights where I lie awake in bed and wish that there was someone there next to me, someone who wants to be with me. If such a thing were to ever result, I don't think I could conceive of a happier moment.

Don’t give her up, take it slow. Best of luck

P.S. Do see a qualified psychologist about whatever problems you have. I tried the advisers at my academic institution and didn’t feel that they were all that helpful either. I currently see a trained professional and it helps, they know what to do.