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Not commenting on your specific case (and that of your wife) because you MAY be an exception, but there is very rarely an excuse for extreme obesity.
I know a number of very overweight folks - and it is blindingly obvious to all (but them) that it is (in every case) a matter of too much/wrong food and lack of exercise. Their obesity is destroying more aspects of their life than simply sex!
Having said that - freedom of choice means that I support their right to be that way if they want. I just find it hard to be empathetic to their frequent complaints about their self-image and deteriorating health.
A number of helpful suggestions have been made re how to sexually please an obese woman - I hope they help.
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