[dancingdoc2]

Please heed Brandye's advice.

> I heard that doing it for the first time hurts girls. Is there anything I can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure?

It may or may not hurt. Much depends on whether the hymen is intact, whether it eroded away or was torn as a result of physical activities earlier in life. In addition, if she is anxious and thus tense as may very well happen the first time or two, the activity could be uncomfortable. If the guy (you) is rough, intensionally or not, then poking, prodding, jabbing, or pushing, can be uncomfortable. If intercourse is attempted too early in the process and she is not sufficiently aroused, or if little or no lubricant (natural or synthetic) is used then this can also cause discomfort.

The fix? Be gentle; press, do not push or shove the penis. Have her guide your penis to the space between the hymen and vaginal wall, instead of just arbitrarily placing the penis in the vaginal opening where it may or may not contact and push against the hymen.

If using a condom, make certain it has plenty of lube all over it.

Lastly, making love is a cooperative partnership. It is not what one person does to the other; rather, what we do with and for each other. Work together. Communicate. Give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback on what is happening, how you are responding to each other's caresses, and, for what you need now/next.

> Is there anything I can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure?

As for the pleasure aspect of the event, please understand that any pain or major discomfort will more than likely prevent her from having an orgasm, presuming that she ordinarily can have them. "Pleasure" is both physical and emotional. Concentrate on the emotional and the physical will usually take care of itself with practice and learning all you can about being a caring, compassionate, skillful lover.