[JustAGirl]

The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with
picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple
and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look
it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five
gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with
glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women
aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave."

The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young
ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

***

Traveling Salesman is having a hard day selling in the back country.
No one wants to buy, a lot of doors get slammed in his face.
He comes to an old farmstead. There's a bony-looking cow in the pasture along with a swaybacked horse and a sheep.
Sitting on the porch is an old man, smoking a pipe.
He starts his sales pitch:
"Good afternoon, Sir. Is the lady of the house at home?"

Old man looks him up and down, takes the pipe out of his mouth and says:
"My wife passed 20 years ago."

Salesman isn't discouraged and goes on:
"Well then maybe I can interest you in some kitchen wares?"

Old man tamps the pipe, refills and lights it and says:
"Nope."

Now this salesman is a ventriloquist by hobby and decides to have some fun with the old man. Looking over at the pasture he asks:
"Mrs. Cow, you look kind of thin - does the old man feed you enough?"

Cow "answers":
"Oh, I'm fine. Now that I don't give milk anymore the old man just lets me graze and doesn't ask anything else of me. It's a good life..."

The old man's eyes widen, but he doesn't say anything, just keeps puffing on the pipe.

"Well then, Mr Horse," says the salesman, "How does the old man treat you?"

"Oh, pretty good," answers the horse "He doesn't ride much anymore so I just graze out here with the cow. It's a good life..."

The old man takes the pipe from his mouth, but still doesn't say a thing, although he's looking pretty intently at his livestock.

"And you Missus Sheep..." begins the salesman

The old man jumps to his feet and shouts:
"Don't ask the sheep anything! She lies!"