I have already told him that I wanted my first time to be with him. It scared him a bit when I told him this because he has never been put in the position where someone went out and told him that they wanted him to be their first. He is afraid of what may happen. And he is afraid of what may happen if anyone ever found out. (He is good friends with my dad because they play in a band together and he is like a son to him.) I think that is why he wants to take things slow. I'm nervous about all of this because this is something new to our friendship. I guess this would kind of make us friends with benefits..
[QUOTE=Quote (foolishxemotions @ Aug. 22 2004,18:47)]Would a blow job lead to sex even if that was all he came over for?[/QUOTE]
this is totally up to you.
don't let him pressure you to go any further than you want to.
i would first start out w/ oral and manual sex before jumping into the real thing.
maybe discuss things first and set boundaries if that would make you more comfortable.
i don't think its wrong for you to feel that way. as long as you care about him and feel that he cares for you, even if just as a friend.
just as long as you feel you can totally trust him and be comfortable w/ him.
Do you think its wrong that I feel this way? I mean, I can't see myself wanting to do this with any other guy.
Would a blow job lead to sex even if that was all he came over for?
I told him that I wanted my first time to be with him. I felt it would be better with him than anybody else only because he is the only guy that I've ever truely cared about. I've known him since I was 13 and my feelings for him have continued to grow ever since. I am now 20 and he is 27. He is a close friend of the family so I feel safe with him. I've expressed this to him so he knows how I feel. He's known that I've cared a whole lot about him from the get go.
When I say that I chickened out, it was only because I was caught off guard. It was like 5am, I had just gotten home from a 4 hour drive with him and when he asked if I wanted him to come inside, the only thing that came out of my mouth was "maybe another time"..even though I wanted him to come inside. I wasn't ready then..but I'm ready now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders now that he knows that I want him to be my first. It freaked him out at first because its not everyday someone tells you "Yeah, I want you to be the first person I have ever had sex with..". And my parents have no idea that we talk like this so its kinda weird to have this hidden thing. If ANYONE ever found out, I don't know what I would do or what would happen.
I am ready for this..I am ready for it to be with him. I'm just a little nervous as to what is supposed to happen and how things are going to feel. Agh..so confusing..lol.
[QUOTE=Quote (foolishxemotions @ Aug. 19 2004,18:08)]My parents are on vacation for 3 weeks and he said that he would come over for a blow job. I'm wondering what would happen after. Does this usually lead into sex?[/QUOTE]
well of course he would be on board for this one....lol. what guy wouldn't?
and yes b/c you haven't used tampons or been fingered it will be more painful more than likely.
i had used tampons and been fingered so my first time didn't really hurt.
maybe you should read this girls thread
or this one which discusses the idea "am i ready for sex?"
there are many things to think about and you say you chickened out which means you probably aren't ready.
i wouldn't just have sex to have it. maybe you should find a b/f....someone you love and care about to give your virginity too.
Ok, I have never had sex before. Lately, I have been talking to a friend of mine, who is experienced, about us having sex together. Things almost happened but I chickened out. I just recently told him that I have never done anything sexual with anyone but I was afraid to tell him before because I didn't want to freak him out..hence the reason I chickened out. It did scare him but we started talking again and the topic of us doing it is coming up again. My parents are on vacation for 3 weeks and he said that he would come over for a blow job. I'm wondering what would happen after. Does this usually lead into sex? And for someone who has never done anything with a guy, what advice can you give? I've never been fingered by a guy or used a tampon. Will things feel different due to those factors? Also, for those guys, if any, who have been the more experienced ones when their girlfriends were virgins, what was it like? How did you go about doing it?
If you guys could help me out, I would truely appreciate it. Thanks.
My boyfriend and I just had sex for the first time 2 days ago. We had been trying for monthes but he was having trouble staying hard and I was having trouble dealing with the pain. Anyways, I was on top and we just kept at it and it was extremely painful!!! I was crying so we stoped for a little while and tried again. It was still pretty painful and the same occured so we tried a third time a few minutes later. This time it was less painful though I was still sore from the previous times. But we stayed at it for about 2 minutes and then I asked to stop so we did.
So here's my question. There was no blood and I've been using tampons for years so I thought maybe my hyman was gone but I did still feel excruciating pain. So is it possible that with all that, my hyman still may be in there? And therefore I may feel the same amount of pain the 2nd time around? this is what my boyfriend thinks because he said it didn't go in as deep as it could have since he wasn't fully erect. Or is it possible that my hyman is gone but it hurt just the same and next time will be less painful?
Thanks in advance.
rock on. my boyfriends going to like hearing this hopeful news cuz the last thing i want is to screw the sex up with pain. rawr.
I've been masturbating for a few years now, and in the last couple I've experimented with more penetration than before. And though I'm nearly 20, I've only had two boyfriends- one which I practiced no sexual acts, and my current boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I have decided not to have sex for the time being, but we do give each other oral and he loves to finger me. I love feeling his fingers inside of me..making me squirm.
HERE'S THE PROBLEM: I can't tell you how many times I've penetrated myself and that he's penetrated me. On some occations, however, I still bleed!
Any idea why??
i have never had sex but have masturbated since i was like 4 years old. i've always used those supersized cardboard tampons as my family is ghetto and we don't use anything else. plus i can stick three of my own fingers up my hole. any pain you think?
(i've never been fingered by somebody else i don't think)
yeah pandora i think you should be safe.
for me its wasn't painful i just felt more like a uncomfortable pressure at first since i'd never had something that far up in me.
after awhile, once i got used to it and relaxed...it felt better.
[QUOTE=Quote ]Anyway, turns out after some misunderstandin (coz i stopped when she interferred with her hand) that she hadn't had a orgasm yet and she was just interferring to see if I was using a finger.
hmmm pretty bad if you have to check to see which it is.
[QUOTE=Quote ]Anyway, I got my whole penis in and I'm pretty sure I broke her hymen coz my buds got to b at least 6inches atm when erected (i don't measure but judging it, that's what it looks like). The funny thing was that there wasn't that much blood at all, I was expecting some on my bed and never got it, I did break her hymen right?
doesn't matter the length.. its more the girth. the hymen is located right at the entrance of the vagina...not way up in there. if you had fingered her before and she's used tampons then its more than likely her hymen was already gone or pretty much gone. especially since there wasn't blood and you didn't say she said it was real painful. a lot of girls now a days don't experience as much pain/blood b/c of using tampons,masturbating, or guys fingering them.
[QUOTE=Quote ]I enjaculated before her during sex [/QUOTE]
hmm this is a new one?
Hmm me and my girl had sex the other day (we WERE both virgins) and to be honset I thought there'd b a lotta blood, like i'd actually get some on my bed, but that wasn't the case. I had fingered her a lil b4 the intercourse (lol that wasn't planned to loosen her). I just wasn't sure if i was ready so I thought if i got her off, she wouldn't want it as bad. Anyway, turns out after some misunderstandin (coz i stopped when she interferred with her hand) that she hadn't had a orgasm yet and she was just interferring to see if I was using a finger.
Later on we had sex and it was really hard I g2admit. We're around the same height pretty much except she has longer legs than me and I have a longer upper body than her. The hard thing for me, I guess after talking about it with a friend, more keeping it in the hole then getting it there (at first i was surprised at the difficulty in actually locating the hole). Anyway, I got my whole penis in and I'm pretty sure I broke her hymen coz my buds got to b at least 6inches atm when erected (i don't measure but judging it, that's what it looks like). The funny thing was that there wasn't that much blood at all, I was expecting some on my bed and never got it, I did break her hymen right?
O yea and another thing, I've gotten my girl 2 a orgasm before a lotta times but never with my tongue alone. I enjaculated before her during sex and got her orgasm by giving her head. The weird thing for me was that she had a HUGE orgasm, like 10-20 times more than what a guy gets outta theirs. SHe's never done that before and I was wonderin if breaking the hymen or anything else could've caused such a effect.
Of course, I'm going to respect that, I never had any intentions of doing otherwise. I've just been beating myself up about it, and thought there would be some decent advice here. Most of the message boards here have good advice, I thought I'd try my luck.
it's not really a matter of if you were ready it's a matter of if she was ready.
she may have thought she was ready but obviously, in some way, she was not, and well, you're just going to have to respect that.
I have a slight problem. I have a girlfriend, we've been dating for about 5 months now, and I'm going to be her first. We made an attempt at having intercourse, but things just didn't work out. She took one look at my penis, and just coyuldn't do it. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I thought she was ready, but I guess not. Just for the record, we're both twenty.
Hello, I'm a newbie to this message board as well as to penetrative sex. I lost my virginity two days ago to my boyfriend, whom I'm very comfortable with. I'm 21 and I'm glad I waited for someone who respects me and appreciates my needs, so I will certainly not regret this decision
My biggest fear was the pain and the bleeding. However, the most I felt was discomfort and there was no bleeding at all. I suppose this is due to fingering from masturbation and by partners, as well as oral sex. I guess all these things helped in loosening my hymen and resulted in my experience being more comfortable than I anticipated.
We had sex twice that night, and while I felt very clumsy it was still very nice, and I was glad I was wet, otherwise the experience would have been extremely uncomfortable. However, I'm still feeling a bit sore and that's not a very nice feeling.
Well, I just felt like sharing my experience, and we are looking forward to exploring one another and what positions work best for us
I don't know if I have broken my hymen. I use tampons..so I just wanted to know how far in your hymen is inside of you. My boyfriend has fingered me befor and he has gotten his whole middle finger in. So I just wanted to know how far it is up there.
Don't worry about being clueless, everyone is with the first time, and the first years really. The reason we can give you advice now is because we have life experience with these issues. As many books as you can read is great, but the fact is, they can't prepare you for the first experiences and what will happen and what it will be like.
For some people having sex for the first couple of times is not great at all, others have no problem. If you think your hymen is torn yet then perhaps try some other forms to break it. Have him finger you, or you can finger yourself, play with some toys, try anything that has a little more control, sometime trying to control two body parts that are both intensely charged can be very hard.
Also, mostly the hymen, once disturbed will break down. This is most likely the bleeding that you experienced. It is good that it has stopped. However, it is always good to go and have things checked out with a doctor if you have any concerns.
Have you had your "first gyne" check-up?? If not, I would suggest getting that done. For one, your doctor will be able to tell you if your hymen has broken or not. And another is that it is just a good idea to keep you sexually healthy and assure there are no problems.
ok, well i'm sorta new around here. mostly a lurker.
i've learned a lot from this site and from this board.
in fact i learned how to give a guy oral sex through this site and he enjoys it very very much. veerrrrryyyy much. lol.
so anyways, i've been somewhat "seeing" this guy for a few months now. it's not so much "seeing" as it is a friend with benefits. he's sorta involved with someone else (it's complicated. lol) and i'm not ready for a commitment type relationship. he's not a virgin but well, i am (or not really anymore...)
well today we tried our first time together.
we both did a little foreplay with each other.
and so he asked if i was ready to try and i said yes. and so he tried....and tried some more.... in the normal position and it hurt....a lot.... but whenever i told him to stop, he would stop, so he wasn't forcing it really. he was concerned for me.
anyways, that failed..miserably... so we did some more foreplay stuff and so he wanted to try from behind for a better angle, and yes, better angle it was.
i'm still in complete pain though. it didn't hurt as he was going in. in fact that felt somewhat good. it's just when he reached my hymen, i swear it felt like someone was trying to drive a needle through me and i absolutely HATE needles. so anyways he was fixing to come so he pulled out (yea i know, i'm horrible, i didn't use a condom even though i swore i would) and he pulled out and came and noticed there was blood.
so i know he hit my hymen...but my question is, how do i know if he broke it completely or just tore it slightly?
and when exactly does the bleeding stop? it bled a fair amount when he did it and now it's just a small trickle...nothing major...not like i'm gushing blood or anything.
and when exactly does the soreness stop?
i'm not really sex stupid..i probably know a lot more than i ever care to knew...it's just when it comes to dealing with the first time, i'm kinda clueless about a lot of stuff.
About 50% of women have their hymen broken before they have sex (by playing sports or masturbation or whatever), so no, all women don't bleed.
my first time had been a decade ago and i still remember the pain. but i did not bleed. so, my bf then, now my husband, kept fussing me that it was not my first vaginal intercourse as I had a boyfriend prior to him. he just doesn't believe. i only practised oral sex with my first bf because i was not ready to give my virginity to him. until now, my hubby still doesn't believe me that he was my first time, because i did not bleed, and maybe because he felt oral sex are not for the inexperienced in bed.
it is usually the case that women bleed at first time?
Well im new to this so i big hello to u all! Its so glad to hear that im not alone in this! I had sex for the first time two days ago. I have to say ive got the most caring boyfriend ever and if it wasnt for him i guess it would of hurt more then i though it had. Although the feeling was more pleasure then pain!!!
I was really worried about the whole bleeding thing but i didnt bleed at all! I dont wear tampons so yeah i guess i was one of the lucky ones!!LOL... I strongly sugggest that u have sex with someone u feel comftable about and really care for them and dont just do it for the sake of it! The wait is worth it i assure you!!
whateva, i dont think any girls on here would be wanting that monstrosity.
This member has been permanently banned for obscene posting.
i was reading the above posts about being fingered before sex... do you mean immediately before sex ... or like on previous occasions before ? just a little confused !! thanks !
maybe b/c you still haven't completely torn or worn away the hymen.
so on some occasions you might tear it a little bit.
is it a lot? or just a tiny bit?
also, he might have had a rough fingernail or something and scratched you.
Nerves can be the biggest factor the first time. It can cause her to tense up, which can make penetration very painfull. The nerves killed of my erection when I first tried it. The solution is easy, be relaxed at easy. It's never wise to immediately begin with a penetration (it doesn't matter how much LUBE you use). Fingering (try using more fingers to stretch her a little bit) and oral stimulation were for me the best ingredients to get my girl in the right and very horny mood). She told me she only felt a second of discomfort before feeling very very nice.
just talk to her. that's what i'd say. sometimes someone thinks they are ready, then figures out that they aren't right before they get ready to do it.
hey me again,i had sex a girl i hooked up with last night,it was good, but i slipped out a few times...is this normal?does this mean im small?she was really wet does that change things?or maybe it was just down to inexperience-my first time.
[QUOTE=Quote (Satans_Intimacy @ April 28 2005,18:57)]This is a litte bit offtopic...but I thought I'd mention it while I was on. I saw him the other day, and he had cuts all over him..up his arms, his back, his stomache...and who knows where else. When I asked him about it he simply said he was mad. I don't want to report this to anyone, because I know he doesn't do it to try and commit suicide...he does it to feel better. I called him later that night to see if he was okay, and he said he was, but what can I do to make sure everything will be alright for him? His parents really don't care.[/QUOTE]
It seems very possible that he is self-mutilating aka "cutting". People cut themselves (with anything, knives, scissors, pens, etc etc) when they have emotional problems and then express their pent up emotions ( be it anger, sadness, etc) by feeling physical pain instead of emotional pain. Feeling the pain of cutting themself "numbs" the emotional pain. It is NOT the same as attempting suicide at all. It is completely different- it is NOT an attempt to kill oneself. However, it is an EXTREMELY big psychological problem. Therapy is needed and if it gets to be too bad, a psychiatric hospitalization is sometimes required becausing the cutting becomes like an addiction (and can be very dangerous- leading to extreme blood loss or the accidental severing of an artery).
I don't know anything about this guy, but from what you said in your post (got arrested, might go to juvi), it sounds like he has issues. He needs to get help. I would urge him to get counseling or talk to a trusted adult instead of trying to have sex with him. It is generally not a good idea to be in a relationship with someone having those kind of emotional problems (nor is it good for them to be in a relationship). Wait until this guy gets help for his emotional and criminal problems then try dating - it could cause you a lot of pain to get drawn into this kind of problem. Of course this is just my advice (however I do have a good bit of personal experience in these areas), take it as you wish.
Hey, I just joined and im wondering about having sex...if you use tampons does that break your hymen?? i wouldnt think but im not sure...
[QUOTE=CuriousChelle18]Hey, I just joined and im wondering about having sex...if you use tampons does that break your hymen?? i wouldnt think but im not sure...[/QUOTE]
Yes it can tear or partially wear it away
i joined this fourm looking for advice and info.
well im wanting my bf to do me. its like his bday present to me(my bday is tuesday). so first off we dont know where were going to do it @. my mom doesnt let me go places that much and shes a bitch and like ya. so like a friends house(nearest my school cuz that where i basically get to see him) or where? one day last week me & him were dry humping and his hip bone hurt my thighs. i mean i want him on top of me because im self concious but like how else woud i solve that problem?
okay so ive been fingerd b4 and ive used tampons for a while. am i stretched out enough? how much am i gunna bleed? how much is it going to hurt? any other advice?
It's different for everyone...but I'd say to expect a bit of pain. It all depends on the person, situation, comfort between the two people, and many other factors. The first time I had my boyfriend inside me, it didn't hurt, but we had been doing other things beforrehand, and he's been fingering me for months. It depends on your age, size, etc as well. Day to day can be different, at least for me.
[FONT="Arial][QUOTE=michael.b]How Do You Get Vaginal Blood(or Whatever You Call It) Off Ur Bed Sheets?!!!!
Someone Tell Me Quickly Before My Mum Finds Out Lol[/QUOTE]
Very good question. I was worried about that since I plan to have sex with my boyfriend soon (ya I dont think I'll wait till I'm 18, I never had a reason to wait till then, I was just setting a time, and since I know I dont want to wait, and I know I'm ready...) I was wondering about the blood. Yes I've read all the posts in here, I've used tampons for a while... two-three years (my first period was nice enough to start the morning of my very first day of highschool :eek: that was a shock lol) but I've never been fingered so I'm going to assume I will still bleed.
We cant do it at my house, for obvious reasons. (Parents rules are door stays wide open when theres a guy in my room) My preference would be to do it at his place. (I would never be able to do it at a friends house, too weird. And being unemployed for the last two months means theres no one I can afford to rent a room or whatever) But then I was worried about the blood, I would find that weird to get up and theres blood on his sheets. I figured I could use a towel like someone wrote earlier, but my friend kept telling me that there would be too much and that it would just soak through. :confused: But I wouldnt think there would be that much.
I also dont know how to tell him, because he knows I wanted to wait till I was 18. But that ..isnt so anymore.
Someone wrote earlier that it was better for a girl to be on top to have control, but then another wrote that it was better for the guy to be on top (assuming that they are gentle and will stop if you tell them too) so which way is better? Which one causes less pain? My bf and I talked about it and said that he would definitly be on top for the first few times because we both figured this would be easier/less painful on me. So now that I'm hearing the opposite..I'm not sure. I would think the guy on top would be better?[/FONT]
im a frequent tampon user and i use objects when i masterbate, will i bleed the first time i have sex. im pritty sure i wont, but i still worry about it.
hey, im new 2 this forum. im thinking of having sex 4 da 1st time, bt im a little worried bout da pain nd bleeding nd stuff-do u bleed 4 a long time afterwards or jst at wen he penetrates u?
Hey, this may have been answered before, but I havent seen it :P
If i am having sex with a virgin girl, and she bleeds a bit, I suppose it is appropriate to stop, right??
Just wanted to thank everyone for posting! I didnt bleed right away after my first time... It wasnt until I got home tha I noticed the blood stains on my pants. Kept thinking there was something wrong with me... Why didnt I bleed when I was first penetrated? I felt pain! After reading everyones posts I am reassured that I didnt do anything wrong and that I am NOT the first person to experience this. THANK YOU!
[QUOTE=Curiousityisking]Hey, this may have been answered before, but I havent seen it :P
If i am having sex with a virgin girl, and she bleeds a bit, I suppose it is appropriate to stop, right??[/QUOTE]
Any answers would be appreciated :)
ok so I know I want to have sex but when we tried it hurt soooo bad.....but I mean I'm a sucker for pain anyway......I've been using tampons for a while now but they are like the slender kind....hehe so they aren't very big........I also think I tense up down there so I was just wondering how you get over that initial OUCH! lol I have been reading some of these posts and they are giving me tips....like taking a warm bath....using some sort of lubricant like KY.....but do you think maybe if I used like a super sized tampon before hand that might help?? lol I know that sounds ridiculous but I don't want to get him all worked up then blow him off b/c I hate pain........
ok the guy im goin' out with is 19..and we've grown up together, and we already experimented with sex, but it was EARLY..like he was 10 and i was 8..:o...and know were back together but my parents hate him with a passion, but i really really really really like him, and he wants me 2 have sex, but he will be my actual first, and im afraid of it hurting, and stuff like that...and when do you know if your ready for nethin' like that, cause wat happens if somethin' goes wrong and i dont know wat to do on ne of it, and i mean ANYTHING....the only thing that we've done since being together this last time was he fingered me..and thats it..cause i dont know how to do anythin else..HELP
Use protection and take it slow, and if it hurts ask him to stop. If you don't think you're ready, you can ask him to stop too.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years and are still virgins (I'm only 17, he's 18). I went to the doctor to get birth control because we started talking about having sex so I figured I should be prepared/protected. My doctor was really nonchalant about it though, and just handed over the prescription. Is that weird? I figured she would be more probe-y and discuss it with me. I've been on the pill for a month now, but I'm wondering if we should still use other forms of protection? I'm assuming it would be a good idea. And if we use other forms of protection, he ejaculates early most of the time so should we try those extended-pleasure condoms or something? Or is there another way of keeping that from happening? Not that the first time has to go on forever or anything...Sorry, I have a lot of questions. I think we're ready, I mean...we really care about each other and we've talked seriously about it. Thanks in advance.
Does anybody know what the best brand of lube for virgins is?...My boyfriend's friend told him that KY and silk aren't that great for virgins because it has an ingridient that stings during sex when the girl is a virgin because the skin is tearing. If anybody has tried any good brands out there, please, let me kno!
K-Y is as pure as anything available and would be recommended. K-Y Plus contains spermicide which add adds valuable protection but could conceivably cause stinging, if, in fact the hymen is still there and not loose enough.
The two old standards, both water based, are K-Y and Surgilube. Stick with them.
Here's an alternate remedy to lubricant, relaxation and so on (although all of the above work, too!)
My boyfriend and I were both virgins before we gave it a go, and since then we've had sex about five or six times. The first few times were unbelievably painful, but he was patient and would stop and wait whenever I asked him to. (Sweet boy, hey?) But it got really frustrating, so he went and talked to a notoriously promiscuous friend of his. She told him about this position she tried with HER boyfriend when it hurt at first.
So what you do is...
1. Put a pillow under your bum to lift your hips up off the bed
2. Have your boyfriend on his knees between your legs
3. Wrap your legs around his hips and have him hold onto your thighs behind him
4. And go for it, but slowly. Make sure you stay at an angle.
I was so relieved when we tried this and sex finally felt good!!! Use lube just in case & don't forget the condom!
Good luck y'all :)
Ok, so...we just did it for the first time. I mean, he left like half an hour ago and we just did it.:eek: So at first, it was really funny because he couldn't get it in, and we were awkward, but we're so comfortable with it, we just laughed it off...and then he figured out that he was pointing up instead of going down...so once he fixed that, he slipped right in...and :D I didn't bleed directly afterwards or during, so I'm waiting to see if it's coming or not...but thus far, it was a pretty great first experience. Good luck to everyone else:)
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