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1st Time Pain & Bleeding 101

I've tried having sex before, but we stopped because it hurt, now we are looking to try again. We're both virgins and the only thing that is keeping us this way is because I so afraid it will hurt. Does anyone know anything to make it less painful?


lots of foreplay so you are nice and wet. I didn't have any pain my first time, but we messed aorund for about an hour before he was inside....lube is your friend!


u just hav too go easy that first time, then its not bad at all

try oral sex first and a little of fingering.
If you are realy horny and wet it will be easy, if not, then don't try.

At which end?


so do u bleed straight away? or not?


[QUOTE=Quote ]Anyway, turns out after some misunderstandin (coz i stopped when she interferred with her hand) that she hadn't had a orgasm yet and she was just interferring to see if I was using a finger.
hmmm pretty bad if you have to check to see which it is.

[QUOTE=Quote ]Anyway, I got my whole penis in and I'm pretty sure I broke her hymen coz my buds got to b at least 6inches atm when erected (i don't measure but judging it, that's what it looks like). The funny thing was that there wasn't that much blood at all, I was expecting some on my bed and never got it, I did break her hymen right?
doesn't matter the length.. its more the girth. the hymen is located right at the entrance of the vagina...not way up in there. if you had fingered her before and she's used tampons then its more than likely her hymen was already gone or pretty much gone. especially since there wasn't blood and you didn't say she said it was real painful. a lot of girls now a days don't experience as much pain/blood b/c of using tampons,masturbating, or guys fingering them.

[QUOTE=Quote ]I enjaculated before her during sex [/QUOTE]
hmm this is a new one?


Reading the first time and hurting, and if it didn't hurt they may have had sex. I have been with my gf for about 3 years, and having sex for about 1. The first time was just as easy as it is now. There was no pain for her, and she came her first time. I had stretched her out many times before, and i dont know if thats enough to make it that easy?


last night was my girlfriend and my first time doin it together, we have each done it once before, but she said that my penis was a lot bigger than the other guys that she was with before. i can tell that it was painful for her, i even popped her cherry, will this pain still be there the next time that we do it.

Everyone is going to be a little nervous their first time. I mean, your first time for anything you're always a bit nervous. It's the same concept.
I went into it knowing it would hurt so I wasn't surprised when it did. I guess in a way, a lot of people should go into it like that so they won't be shocked when it does hurt.
It also took me some time to be able to get him in all the way with no pain. By sometime I mean like over a year... but take in mind we didn't do it frequently like most people do so by the like 4th or 5th attempt of doing it, it went in with no problem and no pain.

Just remember to not go into it like it's gonna be something out of the movies.
The first time is much more awkward than loving for most couples. In a sense it may be magical, but it's probably also not going to be ever so magical.
You may or may not experience pain and you may or may not bleed. I know someone who didn't have any pain nor did she bleed afterwards. I had pain and bleed off an on a little bit for a few days afterwards.
So, it all just varies on the person.

Just perpare yourself. Get some protection and get some lube and make sure he goes slow and if you're in pain, tell him to stop.

DJ..... try some lubricant ky or astroglide. it will help but not cure your problem. i have to tell you tight pussy is about as good as it gets.


[QUOTE=girlygirl9999;246085]how old is too old to be a virgin? i;ll be 23 in january and i still am!
i know im supposed to wait until the rigth person but i cant help but feel retarded!
im such an old virgin!!
help me!!!![/QUOTE]

You are never too old unless boys dont look at you. But sooner the better. Dont try to look older. Find a nice chap and let him deflower you. You are missing a lot ...

RedRoses's picture

I'm not saying that it's impossible to have trouble. There will always be exceptions. There are few girls that do have tough hymens. And in some western countries it is indeed recommended to have an exam prior to any sexual activity to make sure you're safe to go. Sorry for your grandma; she definitely could have used such an exam prior. It must have been such a shock to her! :(

But I don't think it's right to scare girls over a thin rim of membrane. In most girls the hymen is barely or not visible and it can't even be felt. Even a physician or gynecologist can not determine if you're a virgin. And that includes the girls that never used tampons nor did sports. It's actually criminal that there are doctors in some parts of the worlds that do pretend to examine girls to "prove" their virginity prior to marriage. It's simply impossible to determine, just as it is with boys.

Many women have no pain the first time. I only felt a slight twinge. With active women, especially tampon users, the hymen is long gone before their first vaginal intercourse. For those who feel slight pain, that will be it.

There are those who have very thinck hymen. Sometimes, in extreme cases, this needs to be cut by a physician. It takes ten seconds and feels like getting a shot. For the rest, you can stretch your hymen. There are "instruments" to do this but it only takes a finger or two and relaxing. Many lay in the tub with warm water and stretch themselves.

The dyas of the painful first time and bloody sheets to display to prove she was virgin are over. We can all be ready.

There are "exercises" you can do to loosen up. I used to lay in a warm tub and stretch myself - mostly with fingers but then used some larger things.

That helps but relaxing is the most important thing the first few times. And plenty of lubrication. Use KY+ or OrthoGynol. They are good lubricants and are spermicidal. Naturally, a lubricated condom as well and you get on top of him. Keeps you in control and then it is easier to relax.



Hi there, this is something that has been bugging me for a while. I am not a virgin, by any stretch of the imagination, but last time I found myself in "that" situation, the guy in question couldn't penetrate. Now, at that point, I had not had sex for a while (just over a year), and he got a little over keen on himself, without turning me on properly. Upon reflection, I should have stopped the situation, but sometimes we dont, do we?

Am I right in thinking that the problems with penetration (he was rather large...) are down to me not being properly relaxed, and lack of lubrication/arousal, or should I be worrying about something else like involuntary contraction of the vagina muscles.... I am trying not to get myself worked up about this, and not worry about when I meet someone else. There was a little blood, only a trace, when he tried to enter me, should I be worried about that?

Sorry about this, but its been bugging me for a while, and thanks in advance for any advice, or for pointing me in the right direction!


I'll be totally honest, I expected bleeding the first time I had sex, but I never realized I was until I woke up like 5 hours later shocked that I was bleeding. I bled a lot more than I thought I would, but it wasn't anything scary once I remembered that I had just had sex and it was obvious why I was bleeding. And the pain thing, it hurt for maybe a second and then I forgot all about it. If you are relaxed you really don't feel pain at all. If you are in extremem pain it is a good idea to stop, but for a little bit of hurting, if you are totally ready mind and body, go ahead with it because it isn't like there won't be pain the next time you try.


there is some gd advice here. me and my boyfriend are considering sex now. i used to be worried but after reading this information i am feeling alot more confident!! gd stuff!!


im new to the board so hi to everyone. I tried to experience my first time recently but had to stop as the pain was unbearable, i did not bleed but it hurt very badly. I have been fingered before and have tried to losen myself up in the bath but obvioulsy it hasnt helped any other ideas??


Good advice from Shorty!


well ive had it wit h average and nothing happened
but i dont want to stick with just average
cus my bf is def. not average
so im confused
i just dont know what to do


when I was with this guy the other week he began to finger me, for a split second it hurt but then he did it again, it wasn't pleasure, it just felt weird, I am a virgin or at least I think I still am.

If she wasnt in pain the first time you had sex? then chances are that she has had sex BEFORE you came along.
losing your virginity does cause pain and a woman can break her own hymen just by falling BUT if she has never had sex, then of course,it's going to be painful either way.

Get some lube to moisten things up.

[QUOTE=Quote ]DLink Posted on 4:00 pm on July 9, 2002
its not that tight.[/QUOTE]

if its not that tight to you and if you would like it to be, then have her begin to train the muscles in her vagina so that when you're inside her, she can squeeze those muscles around your penis real tight and then let go.

might help.


im scared of the bleeding after 1st time sex! can anyone tell me if this is bad or not?

well...he could try fingering you first to loosen you up a bit. But other than that....tell him to go slow and think about your needs first (a hard thing for a guy to do, from someone who's had to be patient with the woman)
It might be painful the first time but it gets better with time.


I had sex for the first time a few days ago, and it hurt because of the pressure inside. Everyone says there would be a ripping feeling when the hymen broke. I did'nt feel this, and there wasnt any blood, except for a couple of splashes. I dont do much sport, i dont masturbate. I've never felt any pain before that It could have broken. Sine the first time, little bits of blood keeps coming out. I've heard that it doesn't always break the first time, but we had sex 3 times.



I don't have a boyfriend yet.Never had sex but i so want a guy to spend time with and show me how to release years of pent up tension inside.Never felt a guy coming into me.He needs to be very hot and experienced.I want him to know exactly how to make me feel totally his all night long.


umm 'lilmisstrouble' read my post in your topic boys minds...kk?


me and my boyfriend want to have sex. but im scared to do it round his incase of the blood. i no it sounds stupid! will i bleed straight away. and fingering, will i also bleed. much info needed pls! if anyone wanna help please do....


How Do You Get Vaginal Blood(or Whatever You Call It) Off Ur Bed Sheets?!!!!
Someone Tell Me Quickly Before My Mum Finds Out Lol


butterfly, first you have to ask yourself if the pain is unbearable or if you just feel a slight bit of pain but aren't really ready for sex so your mind interprets it as extreme pain. If you feel that you are ready for sex and that it is truly physical pain I would suggest trying a lubricant. Then, if it still hurts I'd go to a doctor. The first time I had sex I was very ready for it. If you relax yourself everything is a whole lot more pleasant, the more you enjoy yourself the less pain you fell. I admit that I felt a slight amount of pain my first time, but I think it is rare not to feel anything your first time (if you are ready for sex and put it off because of pain it isn't like the pain will go away the next time). Anyway, try lubricating first and then a doctor.

You are in a minority at 23 but certainly have not lost all. There have been a surprising number of both and women post here over the years, some in their thirties. You are not "supposed" to do anything. At this point in your life, you make the critical decisions. Learn all you can about how your body works, how to protect yourself and what you can do to please yourself.

On the brighter side, you are still eligible, in many countries, to have the Gardasil shots. Once you are no longer a virgin, that will not be available. Something to ask the doctor about when you go for a thorough gyn exam preparatory to sex.


i keep reading that its normal to bleed if you break your hymen. however i had sex regularly for the first time all last summer, and i cant remember if i bled or not. and i didnt have sex again until about 10 months later, which is now. and i had it 3 times within about 2 weeks and then this morning i had it again and i bled a little afterwards when i went to the bathroom. is that normal?


Well, as I had thought may have happened, he did dump his "girlfriend". However, the next time I'd gone over there, within 5 minutes he'd gotten arrested again. Heh. Well, once he figures out whether or not he has to go to Juvi or not (if he takes alchohal awareness classes he doesn't...) he says he wants to be with me. I'm nervous, but I do feel I'm ready. Thanks everyone for your advice

This is a litte bit offtopic...but I thought I'd mention it while I was on. I saw him the other day, and he had cuts all over him..up his arms, his back, his stomache...and who knows where else. When I asked him about it he simply said he was mad. I don't want to report this to anyone, because I know he doesn't do it to try and commit suicide...he does it to feel better. I called him later that night to see if he was okay, and he said he was, but what can I do to make sure everything will be alright for him? His parents really don't care.

Alright well thanks again. I'm out. :P

well...its not if its gonna hurt, casue me and my gf have done it before. but i remeber the first time we did it, and it never hurt her. and i did finger her to losen her up, and she never complained about it hurting. then we did it a second time days later, and agian i fingered her to losen her up, and still she never complained. we are both virgins, and we have been going out for one year, and i have gotten her to be pretty lose. but what is up with the whole 'popping the cherry'? could it be done other ways, becuase i have heard that it can happen when stretching and what not.
also, she had never had someone finger her before me. help cause im confused!!!!

one more thing. we have done it twice, pretty much right after another, and the second time is when we have to stop becuase it hurts....anybody know why??? plz help!


Just wanted to thank everyone for posting! I didnt bleed right away after my first time... It wasnt until I got home tha I noticed the blood stains on my pants. Kept thinking there was something wrong with me... Why didnt I bleed when I was first penetrated? I felt pain! After reading everyones posts I am reassured that I didnt do anything wrong and that I am NOT the first person to experience this. THANK YOU!

If you do bleed, it will be only a small amount.

It sounds to me that you are not psychologically ready. Perhaps it is time to cool it for a while, do some some study, visit Planned Parenthood and try later.

enarly every girls feels so

[QUOTE=KinkyKitty;92614]I've tried having sex before, but we stopped because it hurt, now we are looking to try again. We're both virgins and the only thing that is keeping us this way is because I so afraid it will hurt. Does anyone know anything to make it less painful?[/QUOTE]

many girls feels hurt at the penetration of her viginal first intercourse for the first penetration of man's penis through vigin's vagina.
but the pain becomes lesser as the penertration repeated, so do not worry about that please.


im sorta in same situation except we havent had sex yet. but i no my bf wants to have sex. but im so scared of it hurting and going wrong etc so could anyone reasure me??


[quote=VirginInLove;189340]Ok so here's my situation.

For the past several years I thought I had broken my Hymen with a tampon when I was younger (I started very early and probably used a tampon that was too big... ouchie!). Then the other night my bf and I were messing around and he was fingering me like he had several times before, and I bled like crazy!! It scared him like crazy and I was a little freaked out myself. It finally quit bleeding like an hour or two later. I thought this was a little long for just a hymen~

Whats really weird to me is that I've been stretching/masturbating and he's fingered me before without any pain or bleeding...

so yeah... any ideas?

btw... my abdomen is a bit sore from all this...not bad... less than cramps... but still...[/quote]

Perhaps it's the onset of your period or close? Next time maybe have him be a bit easier?


i am ready. i was just worried bout the bleedin like if we r in his bed lol! please reply


if you break the hymen, you may experience a small momentary twinge of pain and yes it will bleed straight away - but there is only a little blood.

if you are going to have sex and are worried about blood on the sheets, put a small towel under you.

if your hymen is already broken, from tampons etc, there should be no pain or blood.


well i think im ready, im in a long term relationship and wanted to have sex, i was pretty relaxed, so if its no better next time i shall go and see the Dr. thankx for the advice



I know how you feel.. I was 22 the first time I had sex... You shouldn't feel alone because you are not.. I would suggest that you find a man that will appreciate the moment you are sharing with him.. You might also consider that sex brings on emotions in many people.. Some people develope emotions for the first person they sleep with. If you have decided you are going to have sex take your time chosing who and when. You may remember that moment for a long time so take your time getting there.


for my first time, it did hurt, it was like a pinching feeling. I teared up, but as long as he goes slow, its not that bad.


It hurt like hell and the guy it was with turned out to be an asshole.


Is it normal not to have any pain what so ever?
I mean... this may be completely weird but... It didn't hurt... at all.

No bleeding (but that's not uncommon, I hear), and no pain...

Anyone else have the same thing?


It was uncofortable for me, never didnt really "hurt".
Buy it wasnt orgasmic thats for sure lmao!!!


I have to say that my first 10 or so experiences with sex were horrible and I didnt know why until recently. It was so painful for me and honestly my boyfriend was a horrible guy but thats a whole 'nother story... so yeah intense pain, it never felt good (I was 15 when I lost my virginity) at my ripe old age of 22 I have realized I am very allerigic to latex. condoms feel like they are made out of sand paper to me (latex gloves make me itch and burn anywhere they touch me too) so yeahm that was the whole problem now sex is amazing since i figured it out! haha but more on topic it hurt a lot when I first had sex for the obvious reasons and I didnt bleed that I can remember but I was also and athlete and a tampon user. My advice is stop, think and most of all be safe... there are so many bad std's out there. 80% of the girls I know regret their first partner but I think thats life because what you want at 15 16 17 is not usually what the mature you will want! good luck :)




No, it did hurt as far as I remember. I was so happy at that moment with my boyfriend that if it did hurt my joy totally took over. I guess I do remember things feeling awkward, but no pain, suffering, agony, or anything.

And listen to Brandye, she is right. Having sex will change your life. I have spent many days just wondering if my period would come and be on time and stressing out.