[Brandye]

I am actively bi- and have been since I was fifteen. I still do not "know,: Parts of my life were lived heterosexually (living with a man) and parts, homosexually. Today my primary relationship is with another bi- woman and we each do have some male friends - not often but once in a while and with some heavy rules attached.

I do not believe I know any lesbians who are virgins. The ones I know have at least tried heterosexual sex. As for Bear's comment on fantasy, I think that is generally a good indicator, BUT, virtually all my masturbation fantasy is with males. And it is usually more romantic than specifically sexual. Perhaps the loss of a fiance, violently, leaves me shaken; perhaps the discovery young that two women can do for each other better than the young men we had been seeing confused me. I do not know.

What I am saying, Jenny, is that your sexual identity evolves and no one other than you can really say what it is. We women have some great advantages over men and the data seem to indicate that more of us do homosexual exploration than men. Live it and see what happens. Your concern for your parents feelings is admirable but needs no action as yet. If you are still single, or have a definite answer, in a few years you will be ready to tell them and will likely find out that they "knew."

STop trying to figure it out and let it unfold.