[dancingdoc2]

I am scared to death. I have a great boyfriend of 4 months. He's very caring. He's letting me go at my own pace.

This is an excellent approach. My recommendation is to continue making progress in tiny increments. Comfort and confidence are acquired through familiarity as well as trust. When you are totally comfortable with a certain level of intimacy, and when you are ready, you can up the ante' a little more and continue doing so over whatever time frame works for you.

NO!

Fellas, "NO" means STOP! If your date or girlfriend says or indicates that you have gone far enough, believe her--you have. Do not push and do not cajole attempting to go beyond what she is comfortable doing. For more on this, please read the information on boundaries and "Implied Consent".**

That First Kiss--

Whether this is your very first kiss, or, your first kiss with this person, the two are very similar. So, fellas, how do you know she would like that first good night kiss?

Answer: When she lingers in the car or on her doorstep and when she looks expectantly and with interest into your eyes. More often than not, this is a pretty good sign. Do you plant one before this sign?

Answer: You could, although I'd wait for some positive feedback from her. If she wants to be kissed, she will let it be known.

Kissing-the basics--

To a great extent, and in my never to be so humble opinion, the act of kissing has more to do with the emotional bond between two people than the physical action itself. In other words, a great kiss can be soft, perhaps somewhat lingering, yet if there is no emotional component between the couple it ends up being little more than a peck on the cheek sort of thing, even when applied to the lips. That said, then almost any sort of application will stir the psyche if there are also positive emotions at work.***

Kisses have various forms. The one that seems to interest young guys the most is the "French Kiss". It is also the one I recommend avoiding altogether in the early stages of a relationship. Just forget about it, because it tends to be viewed by many girls/women as invasive and crude. Done correctly, the mouth is open and there is an exchange of breath and saliva. Much later, after some discussion, if the two of you want to explore this form of kissing, then give it a try. My point being, just don't spring this on her. More often than not she will NOT enjoy receiving it as much as you might like giving it.

Another kiss to avoid is the so called "Hickey". If you have any respect for the girl, then do not leave your "mark" on her neck. If you do want to do it then apply one where the general public will not see it and she won't be embarrassed by possible comments from friends and/or family.

Ordinary kisses are applied with moist lips and a gentle to firm sucking action. Lips can be closed or slightly parted as desired.

Kisses can be from mouth to mouth (involving both lips) or they can be applied to one or the other; although, generally the upper lip.

To apply a kiss to the lips, slightly cock or tilt your head so that you do not bump noses.

*** Kisses have energy. The more aroused and turned on a person is the more passion there will be in a kiss. Perhaps you've heard the comment that "he/she took my breath away". Well, it can and does happen when we become very aroused and then kiss. Often it is hard to catch your breath. Talk about a moving experience.....

All in all, a great kisser will stir a woman's passion, first, and then apply kisses gently and with care and purpose. Keep in mind that kisses stir emotions and arouse ardor. Kisses can be gentle and they can be firm, rarely rough.

Every time he tries to touch me, I begin to panic and freak out. Im such a weirdo about physical contact.

What part of physical contact bothers you?
Please keep in mind that making out used to and still should begin like it did in days past when couples made out on the swing on the front porch, a haystack, or a car--in small albeit progressive steps.

Touch you where and how?
Please reread the above.

Before you ever (partially) undress, and before he begins to touch your genital area, you should be very aroused. This is accomplished by spending a lot of time kissing and fondling and caressing and just making out. Devote no less than half an hour to necking and petting (more within reason if time permits) in order to get both of you very aroused. Do not rush to the finish line. There has been much mention of late about foreplay yet as important as this is, these activities come later, not sooner.

These physical activities have some benefits as well as being critically important for the sake of preparation.

* gets your body physically prepared
* gets you in the mood, emotionally
* helps temper anxiety
* helps sidetrack inhibitions

I know it will feel good.

Consider letting him explore your breasts and later your genitals though your clothing before ever partially undressing.

For Men and Women Only- Breasts and Play

When you do begin to disrobe, take it in stages. As examples, let him begin caressing your breasts in passing while fully dressed. As you become more aroused, one or the other of you can unfasten your top or let him slip a hand from the bottom up or the top down if it is a pullover in order to fondle one or both through your bra--and perhaps slip a finger inside. Later, when comfortable with this level of intimacy, you can unfasten the bra and let it dangle. After dangling for as long as you need it to--remove it.

This same strategy works below the belt, also. Let him approach your genital area with passing caresses from the abdomen down to the pubic mound or from a thigh inward. He should not dally, just give fleeting grazes as his fingers move on to other areas. At some point (read: days or minutes into an event) he will want to linger around that area and caress it more. Let him when you are ready. If you are wearing a skirt or shorts that permit fingers to trace up a leg, then let these caresses become ever bolder over time. You most certainly do not have to part your legs or allow him to until you are comfortable with the idea and are physically and emotionally prepared by all that has come before.

When you are ready, let him explore your pubic area and later the crotch, through your panties. He won't feel much and you may or may not, either; yet what this is doing is building confidence, comfort, excitement, anticipation, and arousal--and in stages.

Communication is important. Talk to him about apprehensions and the enjoyment of the things you do. He is not a mind reader!

For the rest of the story and more complete information, please read Chapter Three in the following link. Just scroll down to this section:

INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS/ and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST

**Boundaries--just how far can I go-
Again, just scroll down to this section.

Frequently, and depending upon the nature of a poster's question, I recommend the person read Chapter Three, first. Next, please read the section in Chapter One concerning "the bases" and "making out".

and when i finger her, are there things i can do besides just rubbing the top of her vagina, and sticking my finger inside?

Please clarify what you mean by the "top of her vagina". The vagina is the vault and birth canal between a woman's legs. The "Vulva" is the entire genital structure (Pudenda) that includes the vagina, Labia Majora and Labia Minora (Outer and Inner Lips), and, Urethra. It begins at the Mons Veneris {Pubic Mound) and extends to the Perineum {area of skin between the vaginal opening and Anus where the lips join.

I'm not sure if you are referring to one of these areas or actually inside the vagina and along the anterior or front wall. Please know and understand that depending upon the state of her hymen and whether or not it has eroded or been previously torn, you may not be able to insert a finger in the beginning.

If you mean fingering the entire area, then there is much that you can do, yet before I give you some ideas, please read the step-by-step process of making out in general.

Exploring down below-

Work your way from the outer boundaries of the Vulva toward the Vagina and Clitoris.
- You can begin from the top of the Vulva and finger and massage one or both of the outer lips {Labia Majora).
- From here you can move on to include the inner lips {Labia Minora). You can finger or gently tug and gently knead one or both.
- The vaginal opening (exterior and just inside) are richly endowed with very sensitive nerve endings. You will cause more excitement from fingering here than actually going inside because there are few if any nerve endings inside. What women enjoy most about being penetrated is the sense of fullness this causes.

Before moving to the clitoris, I believe it is important to know more about this organ. Please read the section on-
More On Oral-
About Gals-

Please scroll down this link until you come to this section.

Lastly, please take advantage of the knowledge presented in the many informative articles listed in this Index.

Remember, "kiss but don't tell," especially if you do not want friends heckling and chiding you.