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Your concerns have been discussed in the following thread over the past few days:

Thinking about losing my virginity to an escort to build up my confidence in the bed

If it is accurate and true that you are a nerd, too nice, shy, innocent, intelligent, and, good student, then getting laid is not going to solve any of the the self esteem issues or projected confidence and assertiveness that people often judge or evaluate a person's personality from. You need to work on two things: T#1--people skills; T#2--self confidence and esteem.

One way to work on the above is to act the part of the person you wish to become. Practice your interactions with others by being polite, assertive w/o being demanding or thoughtless, listening to others and commenting on what has been said, asking questions regarding the topic of conversation, and, just generally paying attention to others in your gathering. DO NOT be overbearing, cute, or act like an idiot in an attempt to fit in. Be genuine, be yourself, and try out new patterns of behavior. The more you act like the person you wish to become or to incorporate those traits you wish to emulate, the sooner these will become second nature.

The information, above, is one place to begin. Next, please read the articles listed in the Index pertaining to dating and how-to. Begin putting all this information into practice as you can. In time and having dated a few girls, you will begin forming an improved personality. If you go about dating as described in the articles as well as in a couple of threads over the past few days, then it shouldn't take too long before one will want to date one or two girls with whom you have established a deeper friendship than is possible from just being casual friends.

When one or two of the girls become long term relationships you can then decide which one to invest more of yourself. One or both will eventually want to make out with you. When this happens then follow the suggested outline for how to Neck, advance to Petting, then onto Heavy Petting, perhaps Foreplay--and, maybe intercourse if it is in the cards. DO NOT reverse the process by establishing a relationship, first, and then hoping friendship and love will come. This is backward and often the cause of drama, trauma, and angst, within the relationship. As EEK stated earlier today, become close friends first and let the relationship evolve.

Jumping in and trying to have sex without learning how to fool around, make out, and loving a partner, first, will not make you a world-class lover. After reading the articles, please do not hesitate to ask questions. This is why we are here.

The problem, as has been said before, is that guys misunderstand what is meant by "nice". Nice means - have good manners without being a lapdog or a pushy horndog. It does NOT mean agreeing to/with everything.

Also being SHY is the kiss of death. We see that as being TIMID and no one wants a timid male. In our eyes, if you were interested you'd show your interest instead of hanging back.

Rejection isn't pleasant but we've all been there, yes, even women get rejected. But this is where you prove you have courage.

Ask, ask, and ask again - think of it more as giving a girl a chance to enjoy your company rather than some sort of test for you to pass.

[SIZE="7">[CENTER]Ask, ask, and ask again - [/CENTER][/SIZE]

[CENTER][SIZE="6">think of it more as giving a girl a chance to enjoy your company rather than some sort of test for you to pass.[/SIZE] [/CENTER]

A first or second date should be more about enjoying each other's company and having a good time, first and foremost. If things are going well, and you are learning a little bit about each other, then think about the second and/or third date and zero in on something she would like to do with you. Ask for the next date! Ask her if she would be interested in doing .... with you. If yes, then set up a day and time. Give her a choice of two times should she be busy. "Is 6:00 OK, or would 6:45 be better?" {Fill in the blanks appropriately.)

Rejection is something we all experience, yet it only takes one "yes". Direct sales people deal with this reality day in day out, yet they keep asking for the sale. If someone tells you "no", I'm not interested, do not take it personally. Not every person is interested in every person, so keep on asking until you get a "yes". Some dates are a one-time event, others go well enough for two or three. Some dates last much longer but most will come to an end eventually. The one or two that do not from all those people who have come and gone before, will likely be "keepers" and one will most likely be Ms./Mr. Right.

Once, again, please read the articles listed in the Index regarding the how-to's of dating.

[QUOTE=agspirou;255857]Hey I am 18 and am still a virgin. I workout constantly, have a great body, and have been told by many girls that I am very handsome, but I've never had a serious girlfriend and have only had 1 blowjob in my life. I'm a little bit shy even though I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school. I am the kind of guy that attracts girls at first because of my looks but then I'm too much of a nice, innocent, and shy guy for them to get involved with me. For all my athletics, I'm also seen as a little nerdy because I had straight A's all through high school. I really feel like I'm ready to lose my virginity but I don't know how to start. If anyone wants to help me out it would be very appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]
dude, trust me. i am a 27 yr old guy and i am still a virgin. just bec your 18 and good looking bec u work out does not mean u have to have sex. wait. the right girl will come along. trust me, i was in the same boat when i was younger. its more worth waiting than sleeping with someone now.

Worth waiting, brianmyers? How would you know if it is worth waiting for?Based upon what evidence? Anecdote and hearsay perhaps?

How would you know if it is 'the right girl'? Or that you were her 'right guy'? And what will you do if 'the right girl' never appears? Do you look forward to living your life never experiencing the joy of sex, other than masturbation?

The terrible truth is that after so many years, few women even want a virgin for her husband. First because such a man has gotten far too good at saying no. Second because his reasons may be ones not conducive to matrimonial harmony as in "none of them have been worthy of me" or "I haven't found the right girl yet". Both implying that the chances of her failing to meet his standards are very good. Why would any sane woman want to put herself in that position?

Better by far is a man with experience enough to know his penis isn't made of gold and who has made mistakes - so he knows precisely who would best suit him and, more importantly, WHY.

well i mean. i guess it is worth waiting for. thats what everyone keeps telling me. dont worry, the right one will come along. just wait. bla bla bla. you know the whole saying. so i am assuming they are right.

They aren't right.

For some people, "they" are right. For others, they aren't.
There's no correct way for dealing with virginity.

Misuses, such as having sex before you are psychologically ready? Or having sex before you actually want to?
In such cases, I'd have to agree with you. ;)

Sex, a species imperative, in and of itself is morally nuetral. It is the mis-uses to which sex is put that gives sex it's immorality.

I did say mis-uses, did I not?

But, psychologically ready? That's to attach far too much importance to somthing essentially simple. Tab A, Slot B. No one expects spectacular performance the first time out.

All of this angst is really unnecessary.

You don't have to be cute enough, big enough, manly enough, slender enough, hot enough, whatever enough. What you need to be is (drumroll) responsibly willing.

Just to illustrate my point: I recently introduced a fellow to the Lifestyle. He is now the happiest 60-something, bad heart, overweight guy because now he's FREE from all of those doubts that plague those out in 'the vanilla world'. Although his younger work colleagues doubt him and his sexploits, saying he's too old for stuff like that, he just laughs.

Relax. Prepare. Enjoy.

[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;255984]Relax. Prepare. Enjoy.[/QUOTE]

And right there, I believe that you've just hit upon my point. :)

It takes time to relax and prepare. For some people, it takes a great many years and a specific person for them to accomplish those two little tasks. Especially considering the conservative environment that a lot of people grow up in, it's difficult to release all the transient worries that may have accumulated over the years.

For some people, I do not doubt that it is necessary to maintain their virginity until the time and person is "right." If I'm interpreting correctly (and he can correct me if I'm not), I believe that's all brianmyers02 is saying.

But back to the OP - Sorry for ignoring you, bud.
At age 18, there are lots of others in your same boat. So the first thing you should really look into is what kind of person you want to attract. Do you just want to get down and dirty for one night, or are you looking to engage in a long term relationship with someone you really care about?

When you find partners that you're interested in, just maintain open communication. Be honest about what you're after, listen carefully to what they want, and use that information to decide whether or not it's worth your time to pursue anything with them. dancingdoc gave plenty of wonderful advice in regards to this.

Did I say it was easy? No, I did not. Conservative environments developed to keep you from harm as a child but there comes a time when you're not a child any more and must go forth and think for yourself. Taking a thorough look at what you were taught and why is the first step.

Everyone fears being 'used', 'shamed', brutalized etc. and some of us have but that is not YOUR fault but the fault of the one who so mis-used you. From this you learn which persons NOT to get with. (Please see the post about Red Flags and Signs of Abusive Behaviors). Developing an effective 'radar' is crucial and that doesn't happen if you're sitting at home waiting for Mr./Ms. Right.

BTW Dating does not automatically mean sex. That's only one option. But since the OP WANTS sex, it is best he goes forth armed with more than 'just wait for the right girl to wander along'.

Since the virginity comments were primarily directed at brianmyers02, not the OP, it seems that we've just created a side conversation here. My comments weren't directly associated with dating.

Yet it seems that we mostly agree - Why the argumentative tone? I've got no issue with what you're saying here, I've just been making my own comments in addition to all of the posts of this thread. :)

[quote] Hey I am 18 and am still a virgin. I workout constantly, have a great body, and have been told by many girls that I am very handsome, but I've never had a serious girlfriend and have only had 1 blowjob in my life. I'm a little bit shy even though I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school. I am the kind of guy that attracts girls at first because of my looks but then I'm too much of a nice, innocent, and shy guy for them to get involved with me. For all my athletics, I'm also seen as a little nerdy because I had straight A's all through high school. I really feel like I'm ready to lose my virginity but I don't know how to start. If anyone wants to help me out it would be very appreciated. Thanks[/quote]

Let me just rephrase this for you:
[INDENT]You are a guy with a gorgeous body, so handsome that girls will probably just faint hoping you might catch them. You are athletic, which screams: guy with stamina here! But there's more than looks to it; you're pretty damn smart. That gives you the best ticket to becoming a self-made-money-money-good-man. And: you're no stranger to sexual activity as you've already received a blow-job! Above all: though you are this MrGoodlooking, you're not at all a self-centered and ego-loving bastard, but a nice and cute young man, perhaps even: modest. Probably one who knows how to treat his lady with respect, are you not?![/INDENT]

Now, I'm not trying to diminish your problem and perhaps I've exaggerated a tiny bit, but you get the idea: Look at the sunny side of things! And especially: the sunny side of you :) Cause yes: you do have some serious advantages going on there!

I read you're looking for 2 things: a serious girlfriend and losing your virginity. Don't know if you're looking to combine the two? In essence, that does not even matter... I'm no expert on relationships and/or dating, but I know plain psychology: Keep thinking about the negative sides of you, and that little cloud surrounding you is showing to others. Feel good about yourself and you'll be sending out the message as described above. I'd say the world is your oyster :)

(and uhmmmm: don't fall into the pit of over-exaggerating things! Just stick to being you, the sunny-side up ;))

As what I had mentioned before it won't be too special if losing it with someone you don't know or you don't even have a special feelings for her, losing it could wait for the right one if you are willing to wait don't rush things for it will come without expecting it.

So what if losing his virginity is NOT so special? WHY must it be 'special'?
Can it not just be FUN?

Fun is very important! :) I'd say: no fun=no pleasure, however 'special' you may feel... Though I do reckon I was feeling extra pleased and was having more fun, because I was feeling 'special' and he felt 'special' to me, while losing my virginity... Maybe: I even wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself, if it hadn't felt special... Who knows? Can't change the facts there!

The people I have fun with (sexual or not), are in a way special to me, cause they've just brightened up my day :) Some fun moments I can clearly remember and do cherish. So just the fact you're sharing this 'first-time-sex-fun-moment' kind of makes it special, doesn't it?

So let's just say you need to find someone to share this moment with to make it feel 'good' to you and feel good about yourself! And yes: only 'fun' could very much fit all requirements :)

I mean you don't have to love him/her - you can just LIKE him/her and want to share having fun. Tis enough.
IT is just as easy to make friends between the sheets as it is anywhere else.

[QUOTE=agspirou;255857]Hey I am 18 and am still a virgin. I workout constantly, have a great body, and have been told by many girls that I am very handsome, but I've never had a serious girlfriend and have only had 1 blowjob in my life. I'm a little bit shy even though I was a 3 sport varsity athlete in high school. I am the kind of guy that attracts girls at first because of my looks but then I'm too much of a nice, innocent, and shy guy for them to get involved with me. For all my athletics, I'm also seen as a little nerdy because I had straight A's all through high school. I really feel like I'm ready to lose my virginity but I don't know how to start. If anyone wants to help me out it would be very appreciated. Thanks[/QUOTE]

take it easy mate 27 and well ok I lost my "virginity" (in exchange for fixing my ex's computer when she was my ex - ok there was still attraction) just over a year ago and yea I'm pretty useless with girls. don't fret your not at the front line :)

how do you know that the right person is he/she???
you might have not noticed also...
waiting is in the sense, seeing who you are more comfortable to have sex, rather than waiting for right person...

and for you brianmyers02 ....
you know sometimes, how much of life is wasted in waiting...

[QUOTE=dirty;259590]how do you know that the right person is he/she???
you might have not noticed also...
waiting is in the sense, seeing who you are more comfortable to have sex, rather than waiting for right person...

and for you brianmyers02 ....
you know sometimes, how much of life is wasted in waiting...[/QUOTE]

could you translate all of the please ?

I think he means that it is impossible to know who the right person to have sex will be. You should wait long enough until you find someone you are comfortable enough with even if that person isn't going to be the love of your life.

I totally agree. I'm 22 and lost my virginity over the summer to someone I might not ever see anymore and probably wouldn't be the love of my life but I was comfortable enough with her and I was sick of waiting. I wouldn't say it was the best time or what I expected but it wasn't because she wasn't "right enough."

Until then I was "waiting for the right person" but realized that is a silly thing to do.

There seems to be a sort of 'fairy tale' that if you wait and are patient and good, the RIGHT man or woman for you will come along.

Doesn't happen that way.

Waiting is to play a passive role when what's really needed is something more active - you have to PARTICIPATE in life, iand this includes sex, in order to get the rewards out of life.

Yes, you have to get up off the sofa, step away from the computer, and go out to meet people.