This Sticky essay was inspired by "Godiva" and answered by Brandye in recent threads. Additional tips 'n techniques are provided by Dancingdoc2. States Brandye: "Great question never asked here before. Thanks for asking!"
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Originally Posted by Godiva
Are some women physically incapable of having an orgasm? I've read a few posts in which Brandye has stated about a quarter of women never reach orgasm, but what exactly is the reason?
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Originally Posted by Brandye in Reply
A women's orgasm is irrelevant to nature while the man's is necessary to propogate the species. Orgasm/ejaculation is almost automatic in the male but not in the female. We must actually learn.
Because of what we are taught or threatened with (nice girls do not touch themselves down there!), many women begin to see sex as bad or threatening or something to be done for the man. As a result, many women never expect to have an orgasm and, by god, they do not. Others who try experience failure many times over and eventually give up. Sexual abuse (about twenty percent of all women have been abused) turns many off to the point where sex is only necessary to become a mother. Some who experience Vaginismus early, never quite overcome the fear that it will return.
There is some small percentage of women who are physiologically unable to attain orgasm, although the vast majority can - if they learn how.* Some of us are built such that the proper parts are not easily titillated; others they are too exposed. And many a woman gets so fed up with having her clitoris pounded by a klutz she simply does not want it.
We do know that the earlier a woman begins to masturbate, the more satisfactory her sex life will be later.** Rather than encouraging playing with ourselves, we are actually told it is evil to pleasure ourselves. The same thing happens to boys but when enough semen gets backlogged, it comes bursting out while sleeping. Most young men learn that they do not have to wait for nature and figure out how to do it for themselves. There is no such imperative for women and many simply do not know what an orgasm is. I have had several patients in their 30s (and one who was 54) experience orgasm for the first time. This says, keep on trying. The best training for orgasm is done alone and many young women simply do not discover this. I think female masturbation should be part of the health or sex ed curriculum. Try telling a bunch of uptight religious that!
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Brandye
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* 25% of all women never have orgasms; 50% of all women need some stimulation in addition to penile thrusting to achieve orgasm.*** That leaves one-quarter of us who regularly have orgasms as part of regular vaginal sex.
Though all of us are capable of multiple orgasms, only about ten percent of us regulary have multiple orgasms. Many of us, I have no numbers, choose not to have orgasms each time we have sex. I am perfectly content with an orgasm once a week but while living with men (two different ones) in our twenties, they wanted more sex than that. I commonly had sex, very willingly, without orgasm. One of the beauties of being a woman is that we can fully enjoy sex without ever reaching orgasm.
We can only guess at how commonly women have orgasms during sex but it is less than most believe.
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Brandye
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** The following link offers instruction on how to make the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic female:
For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?
*** Girls, take note-
It is critically necessary for you to be able to masturbate and reach an orgasm on your own. If you can and do, then you can guide him in what to do in order to achieve an orgasm. If not, then you absolutely must learn to masturbate, first, in order to connect the nerves in the skin with the pleasure center of the brain and to establish these connections. You must know what it takes to bring about an orgasm before you can expect your partner to help you have them. Guys pretty much learn matter-of-factly right out of puberty; girls learn much later in life, if at all.
Please keep in mind that very few positions provide an opportunity for a woman to achieve a climax directly from intercourse. That said, what a loving, caring, skilled, lover will do is to reach around and finger the clitoris while stroking. Hint...hint.... Hey! Fellas: Consider helping your partner to climax before intercourse as well as after, also, if it is her wish.
For all concerned-
I recommend that each of you demonstrate to the other how you masturbate and then to take each other's hand and guide each other's movements over a few sessions until both of you learn to mimic each other's method of rhythm, motion, and pressure.
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Dancingdoc2