[sera300]

Beans:

See that was where my ex had no control. He wanted to stay married yet have his then "friend" move in with us (his friend was moving back from another state). He was happy having a committed relationship with emotional attachments with both. Later he took up with his "friend" and he became his partner.

It's funny, I ran into him the other night, he was out w/his partner but also had a new girlfriend with him. Both he & his partner split several times over the past 20+ years since I divorced him, both of them tried to date women and have married women along the way, they get divorced, go back together. This has been a cycle for as I said 20+ years? Last I had known he was exclusively w/his partner but I guess that changed again. He has been married 4 times & his partner 3. He has had children w/2 of these women. He had a great deal of difficulty accepting his gay tendencies and would get drinking and take up occasionally with other men.

The sad part, his family expected him to be straight (so did his co-workers--he's a cop) so he tried hard to live a straight life and would become very unhappy. After his parents died, he began to become open about his life.

Are you sure you will be happy strictly w/a man? I know you have made your fiance aware of your past relationships, have you discussed your feelings with him? And does he accept it? I ask for one reason; my ex never told me before we married. Do I blame him? No, I just feel he owed me the truth so I could decide what was best for me and what I could accept before I married him. I place blame on his family for making him feel the only way to be "normal" was to be straight; therefore, he tried to live up to everyone else's expectations of what is "normal" rather then accepting his true feelings. This is one ( and only one) reason I believe if society was more accepting of a gay or bi lifestyle, forcing their definition of normal only causes emotional harm and hurt to the individual and those who love them. Do I know he loved me? Yes, I never doubted it. He tried to live by everyone's expectations rather then accept him for who he was. It hurt me but has tormented him for so many years.

I don't know your relationship with your man but always be open and honest; moreover, explore your feelings before you marry. Be fair to first yourself and then to him (not saying your not)...just my two cents from experience and from what you wrote you have not explored these feelings to really understand them. YOU have to be happy and I hope this helps either you or someone else along the way !