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Addictions
I'll start with a brief history.
I'm 31 years old. I have never had a girlfriend. I came from a conservative home with no abuse of any kind. While I've had crushes I've never been able to develop them into a relationship.
I prefer girls who I've known a while, unless they happen to be very attractive, even then once I get to know their personality I may quickly change my mind.
Here's some issues I have, in no particular order. Feel free to comment on any or all.
1. I cannot initiate conversation or contact with girls/women unless I have (what I consider) a valid reason, such as work or personal business.
2. I generally become attracted to a woman after getting to know her on a level at which she considers me a friend (same as her girlfriends) but not a romantic possibility.
3. I masturbate a lot (in my mind), usually once a day.
4. I have become a regular (twice per month) at a massage parlor. I get a handjob, which is a nice release, but often feel guilty afterward.
5. The only intercourse I have had was with prostitutes and at a particular massage parlor that I frequented a couple years ago.
6. I have a low self-esteem. Even at work, where I am considered a very valuable asset by coworkers and liked by most people (to the point they ask for me over others on my team) I doubt my capabilities.
So... Above are some of the problems I ponder regularly and which are currently at the forefront of my mind.
Feel free to give me your thoughts, criticism, advice.....
Right now I am beginning to feel an attraction to a woman at work (about 5 years my junior) whom I enjoy talking to and having lunch with, but just don't get the regular physical attraction to. I feel like I should pursue a relationship everyway but physically. What should I do?
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