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Originally Posted by Brandye
Mnay of us women need to learn sexual response. It is not as automatic in us as it is in men. Their orgasm is required to keep the race going; our orgasm is biologically irrelevant. You express the sentiment of women I often see, women of all ages. "I like aspects of it but do not understand the big deal." I, myself, am often perfectly satisfied with the intimacy and feeling of one inside of me and consider orgasm unnecessary. But, not all the time.
Have you experienced orgasm through masturbation? Until we experience orgasm, it is difficult to know what we are looking for and what is helping us to get there. For many women, the first orgasm was "an accident" or "unexpected." Once experienced, attaining that level again becomes easier.
Do not depend upon your partner for an orgasm. He is more clueless than you about how a woman's orgasm is triggered. This is a matter we women need to teach ourselves. I have many aging patients who have never experienced orgasm. A few weeks ago a patient in her thirties with three children had her first orgasm. It was not with her husband and now she is in a quandary.
Many women accept sex as you experience it. That is fine for a while but it is difficult to spend a lifetime thinking you are incapable. We are all capable but the layout of our genitals can make it difficult to turn that into reality. Get a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves. The figure out how your body works, sexually, and see what you can do about it.
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I routinely masturbate to orgasm, and that's how I've noticed that I don't even get close when having intercourse. I wonder if it's part of the problem in that I'm used to getting off in a very specific way that a guy really cannot mimic. This has not really been a problem for me until now, because my old sexual partner didn't really seem to care or not whether I orgasmed, but my new one seems greatly offended. I try to tell him that it's not a big deal to me, and that I've never orgasmed during sex and not to worry about it, but he's still very focused on it.
I think part of the problem is that I have a hard time letting myself go. I am so focused on performing for him. One time when I was being too strongly stimulated while giving a guy oral, I asked him to stop so I could focus on giving the bj. I am just so afraid that if we focus more on me that it's going to suck for him. But I guess that's simply my issue.