[Brandye]

I am assuming your ages are about the same. Perhaps he should also get a complete physical. Or at leaste a urologic exam to include a testerone test. Low testosterone could be one physical reason for a low sex drive.

Then get a good book. The Joy of Sex has been reissued and I have found nothing better that covers the entire field of what two people can do together. And get a good vibrator and start to figure out what really rings your chimes. In the case of Sheila that I describe, I am not certain she was entirely honest in some details and I suspect she had gotten fed up to the point of asking her sister to line someone up for her. An outside male relationship should be your line of last resort unless you are ready for divorce. I fully expect that Sheila will end up divorced with sex being the primary cause.

The other woman I mentioned having her first orgasm in her late thirties took a different approach. At my urging she discussed the situation with a close friend also in a sexless marriage. The two of them ended having sex and she seems to be settled in that with no hopes of getting with another man. Different strokes and I am in no position to judge. Nor am I in a position to make specific recommendations to you. I ampersonally convinced that masturbation is where it starts even though Sheila had given up on that.

You really cannot expect a man approaching forty to be ready again in 25 minutes. Some recover that quickly but far from all. On the other hand, a little oral or whatever other stimulation you may have wanted would have been appropriate. Sounds like he needs to sort some things out for himself. We women wonder our men stray but our straying is surprisingly often caused by boring sex lives. Only you can decide when an outside partner needs to be involved and that is a great risk.