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When I was in my first sexual relationship with steady girlfriend
I, as a guy, had difficulty with it. I could have sex for long periods of time and she was quite pleased with what she had found in me. She let me know all the time how happy she was to be with me....but I still couldn't do it.
I had heard so many lectures from my parents about the consequences of getting a girl in trouble etc etc....and this girl had just had a child months before and given it for adoption...I was a bit put off to say the least. Still she had the experience with guys I lacked with girls. All I had going for me was my "fortress of defences" I had become. I wasn't
too feeling as I was too intellect driven for those, I was somehow on constant guard so to be in control of myself.
The ability to cum or orgasm comes from allowing ones body to
enjoy its sensorary processes. When the mind is the custodian of all these processes and is working from a group of codes, or mannerisms one has been taught it is likely to
firewall any feelings trying to get thru(as if they are viruses).
When this happens there is a conflict between the behaviors
of a young person who has been warned not to do it and the emerging young adult who is learning to become sexual and experimenting.
Lots of young people have this problem, and when you're a girl hearing some young punk who thinks he's a stallion telling
he has all the answers.....no doubt your defence shield will come up and flash "BullShit Warning". Of course the guys will tell you that cause they want sex...maybe even sex with you
Muppet74 because they genuinely like you(ever think of that?)
and the guys know the girls don't go for the wimp-o loosers.
Just the same, it leaves you with heightened suspicions of guys in general.....and you'll never cum in that frame of mind I'll assure you.
Guys and girls both have to learn to allow themselves to "LetGo"(observing their protection) but otherwise allowing a
physical mood to take place where intellect is dismissed for the time being and sensual pleasure absorb your consciousness. You may be in your own fantasy daydream as he is having sex with you to do this. Some girls really like doggy position as they aren't looking at the guy while this takes place, or they want a totally dark room. Before I could cum....for some reason.....by lover covered her head with a pillow so I didn't see her yet could view her breast or look down and see myself penetrating her. The idea was to allow
me to just be able to cum when having sex with her. I finally
had to masturbate for her like that and cum on her which pleased her and she rewarded me with her affection. I had even had fears of being naked with her when we first met and wanted to become intimate as we got to know each other.
As time went on, I could manage to cum for her and learned to sense the feelings I would get inside which weren't anything
to do with thinking.....they were feeling. I slowly learned this path taking my first steps in my early twenties, to a point that is now second nature. What made it possible for me was I had a good woman who knew and understood, and realized she had a chance for a constructive relationship for her, what
it would take to get me started to become functional sexually.
Prior to her I had sort of hid myself from girls and became more
and more isolated with female contact. I found myself arguing with girls and appearing aloof to them when they tried to engage me and get to know me with their flirtation. I didn't know girls that well, I didn't know how to relate to them,
and it is sure if I were with one I wouldn't cum if we had sex.
What I learned from this phase of my life is that it wasn't anyone who could make me cum but myself. I'd learned to do it looking at pictures and masturbating and fantasizing but with a real person there was uncertainty and possible danger.
Today I would imagine it as more of a left brain vs right brain
conflict somehow.
This is what I can share from my own experience for others here with this problem or dilemma. I'd mention this old book
which I once saw in paperback...you could probably find it used....."The Sensuous Woman" by "J". I'm sure you could find it used or even at a public library somewhere. It isn't hard to read and may be a big help getting your sexual self
on track.
eDJ
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