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I told him that I wanted my first time to be with him. I felt it would be better with him than anybody else only because he is the only guy that I've ever truely cared about. I've known him since I was 13 and my feelings for him have continued to grow ever since. I am now 20 and he is 27. He is a close friend of the family so I feel safe with him. I've expressed this to him so he knows how I feel. He's known that I've cared a whole lot about him from the get go.
When I say that I chickened out, it was only because I was caught off guard. It was like 5am, I had just gotten home from a 4 hour drive with him and when he asked if I wanted him to come inside, the only thing that came out of my mouth was "maybe another time"..even though I wanted him to come inside. I wasn't ready then..but I'm ready now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders now that he knows that I want him to be my first. It freaked him out at first because its not everyday someone tells you "Yeah, I want you to be the first person I have ever had sex with..". And my parents have no idea that we talk like this so its kinda weird to have this hidden thing. If ANYONE ever found out, I don't know what I would do or what would happen.
I am ready for this..I am ready for it to be with him. I'm just a little nervous as to what is supposed to happen and how things are going to feel. Agh..so confusing..lol.
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